What Should I Tell My Husband?

Q: I have a rich sexual past, and my new husband has been asking me a lot of questions about it: How many partners have I had? What did I do with them? I've resisted telling him the truth because I worry it will turn him off — but he says it would turn him on! Is that normal? And how much of my past "adventures" should I reveal?

A: It's true that some men get turned on by learning of a partner's exploits, so I'm tempted to respond, "Why not indulge him?"

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The risk here, however, is that your narrative will spark jealousy — possibly even distrust — instead.

What happens if he starts thinking, Why would she do that with him but not with me? Or, What sort of person has that many partners? You catch my drift.

And even if this history lesson does turn him on, how will that make you feel? Closer to him? Or questioning his need to imagine you with someone else?

Don't get me wrong; I know couples who spice up their sex lives in precisely this way. Rather than getting insecure or judgy with each other, they have fun with it. But you can't reliably predict that will happen in your case, too.

You could test his response by relating some modestly hot episode from years ago — that time in high school, for example, when you and your boyfriend made out on the principal's desk after hours. (I'm making this up, obviously — unless you really did that!) You can "season to taste" from there, but I would definitely omit your most vivid erotic scenes. Pictures, once painted, don't vanish.

And if your past-partners number is truly record-setting, don't reveal the specific figure. Rather, be French about it: My research tells me that the French people keep a lot of sexual secrets, and both parties deem that discretion magnifique.