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A father helps his college-age son find his purpose.
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For those of us in midlife, uncovering a sense of purpose makes the difference between real reinvention and just another job change. Imagine if someone — perhaps even your parents — had convinced you of the power of purpose decades ago, when you were just tiptoeing into adulthood? Life Reimagined thought leader Christine Whelan, Ph.D., explains why conversations about values are so critical to your family.
Your new book, The Big Picture, aims to help 20-somethings find their way. Tell us why you wrote it and what it means to parents.
I geared my last book, Generation WTF, toward college kids right after the post-financial crisis. When I tested it, what resonated most was this idea of purpose, of finding the why in a career search, not the how. So I wanted to devote a book to helping people just starting out to find their purpose. As the same time, I began working with Life Reimagined, focusing on mid-lifers looking for purpose. The parallels between the two groups are just staggering. There’s room for lots of good conversation between these two generations.
I’m thinking many parents who read this will think, “No way. My kids won’t listen. I wouldn’t have listened if my parents tried to talk about purpose.”
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That might be true for some families. But parenting has evolved. Parents don’t have to have all the answers like they used to. And it’s a really great example to kids to see people in midlife addressing the issue of purpose — even if they have done so before. Our purpose can change. Life changes us. A career that made sense in your 20s might not work in your 30s. In your 50s, you may find an entirely new direction.
You’ve said you tested this material with students, to make sure it was effective. What was the best performing section?
There’s a chapter where I ask people to think about what they’re afraid of, and that turns out to be very helpful to people trying to pin down what they want. A person who says, “I’m afraid of being invisible” has a different path than a person who says, “I’m afraid of not having a family.” Knowing what you don’t want isn’t enough to make a choice. But it’s a start. For example, I fear having a job that’s boring because I like to sound interesting at cocktail parties. That probably speaks to some inner insecurity and maybe is not the best thing to build a career around, but it’s important to know about myself.
When students push back against this concept, what is their resistance?
They’ll say to me, “Seriously? You want me to do another thing? Now I have to find my purpose?” They are under a lot of pressure, and they have a “Stop the world. I want to get off” feeling. This generation is challenged to be constantly self-reflective, and it’s tiring. On social media, they have to craft their own story.
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