Perfect date: an appointment where everything clicks and not a single gaffe occurs
1. an oxymoron
2. an appointment that is customarily a figment of one's imagination (until the right person comes along)
3. an appointment where it turns out that the right person thinks you're not
Dateless: a condition that grants you time to sort out what you want in life
1. a condition that grants you time to give yourself a henna rinse, convert your photos to digital format and giggle with your friends about the jerks you've dated
2. a condition in which you ask yourself why no jerk is calling now that you've rinsed, converted and giggled
3. a condition to avoid in the last 10 minutes of Dec. 31 — or on the ramp of Noah's Ark
Foreplay: intimate acts between two people, designed to kindle sexual desire, arousal and activity
1. to men, any of the following:
- turning off the television first
- lowering the volume
- a mysterious practice that may require gentle instruction
2. to women (and some men), a long, sweet process that includes:
- shedding clothes (yours and his)
- flinging said garments about the room
- heavy breathing
- more kissing
- more touching
- to some women, all of the above — plus dinner!
"I'll call you, OK?" phrase uttered by a man to a woman on parting, whether they had sparks or a snooze
1. To women, "I'll call you" means just that
2. To men, "I'll call you" can mean:
- "Maybe you'll hear from me, maybe you won't"
- "Expect to hear from me sometime between tomorrow night and next summer"
- "I'll call you after the playoffs"
- "I'll be in touch — unless I lose your number or my nerve"