4. He has no sense of humor

Humor was my family's religion. We had big problems, but even bigger laughs. The men with whom I've connected since then aren't exactly stand-up comics, but they have all had a finely honed sense of the ridiculous.

I won't cite specific men here, but I think they know which camp they fall into. Those who never learned how to laugh quickly revealed that flaw — and were dubbed The Kiss of Dating Death.

5. He's a substance abuser

Sometimes it's in the eyes, sometimes in the lies. I once dated a man who was still taking Percocet for a root canal he'd had five months before. Having grown up in a family that would not go on vacation until we had polished off the milk in the fridge, I thought little of it at first: Might he simply have the same Waste-Not-Want-Not mentality?

Wasted he was: On our second date he left the movie theater for the men's room four times.

"Did you like the parts of the movie you saw?" I asked him afterward.

He sniffed and nodded.

"As much as the white stuff under your nose?" I said it loud enough for everyone in Cinemas 1 through 6 to hear. "Your coke is showing."

He smiled. "It offsets the Percocet. Wanna do a line?"

I did not. I left him standing in the lobby next to the popcorn, and never looked back.

Nancy Davidoff Kelton writes about dating after 50 for AARP.

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