My Mother Doesn't Like Her Nursing Home

4. Don't miss important meetings.

Attend the annual or quarterly staff review of your family member's care plan. You can use this opportunity to raise concerns and questions with the people who care directly for your family member. Aides spend more time than anyone with residents, so be sure to listen to what they say about what your family member needs. Make sure the staff knows that you want to attend the reviews and need advance notice for meeting times.

However, you need to raise a red flag if you find a serious problem.

5. Observe, note and report serious lapses in care.

Your family member may be unaware of or unable to communicate the most serious problems — those about quality of care. Many common examples are apparent, such as bedsores, neglect of personal hygiene, weight loss and lack of attention to an illness or obvious deterioration. If your family member is in physical restraints or seems overmedicated, those, too, are alarming signs.

You should first speak to the nurses and doctor if there appears to be a problem. If you are not satisfied with their responses, call the nursing home ombudsman in your area. Ombudsmen are trained to resolve problems in quality of care, as well as suggest ways to manage other non-life-threatening issues. Any sign of physical, sexual or verbal abuse should be reported immediately to the nursing home administration, an ombudsman and your state's department of health.

You may also like:

• Be prepared. Caring for aging parents can affect your home life and career
• Independent living expert Elinor Ginzler answers your caregiving questions

Remember to go to the AARP home page every day for tips on keeping healthy and sharp, and great deals.