Seven Choices of Grief
By: Source: AARP.org Date Posted: 2004-11-15 15:49:27
Seven Choices of Grief
While there is no set progression through grief, there is a process we follow with choices along the way. Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D., has identified "seven choices" -- the steps in the grief process.
First Choice: Impact
The initial crisis after the event. This phase may last days or weeks after learning of the death of your loved one. This phase can be characterized by reactions —specifically physical, behavioral, emotional, and cognitive.
Second Choice: Second Crisis
The second crisis occurs any time during the first few months. The numbness from impact has worn off and the bereaved may feel more pain than they believed was possible. It is important to experience the pain and not try to hide it or "be strong" for others. Friends and family members may have returned to their lives at this point, so looking into community resources may be ideal.
Third Choice: Observation
The next phase is a time to reminisce and re-experience the deceased, according to author Theresa A. Rando. Many old memories will be recalled, many are surprised by the amount of everyday moments they recall.
Fourth Choice: The Turn
In a downward swing after experiencing their loss, the bereaved starts to adjust to a life without the deceased. Hopefully, the reinvesting in life begins and the widow and/or family makes the turn upward.
Fifth and Sixth Choice: Reconstruction and Working Through
The bereaved has relinquished attachments to old roles, relationships, and to the world of the deceased. Instead, a new relationship with the departed —a relationship of memory is developed. This is the time that the bereaved starts to take action and reinvest themselves in a world without their loved one.
Seventh Choice: Integration
Finally, in integration, we are able to think of the deceased person without pain. There is always a sense of sadness, but it lacks the wrenching quality it previously had.
Times or life events that may rekindle grief reactions:
- Dates
- New and additional crises
- Rituals
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