Trauma
By: Source: AARP.org Date Posted: 2007-04-18 15:45:45.009819-04:00
During times of disasters—whether man-made or natural, nearby or far away—children also suffer.
Kids who lived in Louisiana, Texas and Mississippi in August 2005 when Hurricane Katrina hit, lost their homes and their schools. Some grieved the loss of family members. Many were separated from their friends. The same things can happen to children during earthquakes, tornados, and other disasters. The hurt they suffer is with them for years. Children want their lives to go back to the way they were before the disaster struck.
Children who watch disasters from afar get upset, too. They're not in danger. But they are confused and afraid. The storms reminded them that bad things could happen to them and to the people they love. Children raised by grandparents may react even more strongly. Seeing children who are sad and scared may remind them of losses they've faced in their own lives.
All of these children have big questions. They want to know why these storms happened and if they will come again. They don't feel safe anymore. They want someone to tell them that everything will be all right.
Children depend on adults to help them talk about disasters and make sense of their feelings. That's what the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says. If children get this kind of support, says the AAP, they will come out of a crisis as stronger people. If they don't get our help, they could develop problems later on.
There are many things you can do to help your grandchildren cope with disasters. Here's what the experts suggest:
1. Let children know that they are safe and loved. Children need to know that an adult is in control and will take care of them, says the Family and Work Institute. Tell your grandchildren this in simple and direct statements. Repeat these statements often.
2. Give your children extra time and attention. The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) suggests that you keep your grandchildren physically close after a crisis like a hurricane. Give them plenty of hugs. Let the children sit close to you. Take extra time at bedtime to cuddle and tell them that you love them.
3. Listen to your grandchildren. Give them a chance to talk about how they feel about the disaster. Some children will ask many questions. Make your answers simple and clear, says Save the Children. This will help your grandchildren feel better. Sometimes you won't know the answer. That's okay. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't know.
4. Don't expect children to handle the crisis like adults. Children have trouble expressing their feelings with words. Those feelings may come out in other ways. Young children who suffer from trauma might start to wet the bed, suck their thumbs or talk like babies. Some children could have stomach aches or not want to go to school. A child's eating or sleeping habits could change. All these behaviors are normal for a while. They should disappear over time. Does fear or worry make it hard for a grandchild to take part in daily activities? It may be time to get outside help. Ask your school or the child's doctor for the name of a counselor who can help.
5. Play and draw. Encourage your grandchildren to draw pictures of the disaster. Then ask them to talk about their pictures. The Purdue University Extension says that games can help children makes sense of what happened. Some children might pretend to be rescue workers. Some children build toy houses, knock them down, and then rebuild them. Others hide toys in a pile of blocks or in sand and search for them.
6. Help your grandchildren mourn. Children who were directly affected by the hurricane should talk about what they miss from their home, school or neighborhood. These children could draw pictures of those items. You could help children create a memorial service for their house, says the Purdue University Extension. It's also important for children to say goodbye to toys and other items that were important to them.
7. Help your grandchildren return to normal activities. Stick to your family's normal schedule as much as possible. Eat dinner together at the same time each day. Help your grandchildren with homework. Encourage them to do their regular chores. Insist that they continue to follow your household rules. Don't be too rigid, though. Try to understand that children who are upset may have trouble keeping their minds on school or falling asleep at night.
8. Encourage your grandchildren to do volunteer work. Teach your grandchildren that helping others is the right thing to do. Plus, it can help your grandchildren feel more in control. What can children do? The Maryland Cooperative Extension suggests that children write letters to other children who have suffered in the disaster. Kids can also collect money for disaster victims. Or, they can take part in community service projects.
9. Turn off the television. When something like a hurricane or other natural disaster happens, it's easy to leave the television on all the time. This can be very hard on children and adults. The National Mental Health Association (NMHA) suggests that you turn off the set. Young children may be scared when they see the same scenes replayed on television. They may think the scary event is happening over and over again.
10. Keep an eye on your own stress level. If you cope well with stress, your grandchildren will cope well too. Don't ignore your feelings of grief and anger, says NASP. Talk to friends and family, or to mental health counselors. You can also talk about your feelings with your grandchildren. But try to remain calm. Tell the children that you are sad, but that you believe things will get better.
AARP Resources
Hurricane Katrina
Join AARP's efforts to support communities that were hard-hit by Hurricane Katrina.
Helping Grandchildren Deal with Grief
What you can do when a tragic event turns your grandchild's world upside down.
Disaster Coverage and Children (radio)
A child behavior specialist discusses the affect of disaster.
Checklist: Documents and Supplies to Stash for Emergencies
Use this checklist to be sure you're prepared for a disaster.
Other Resources
Children as Victims of Hurricane Katrina
The Purdue University Extension offers this guide to helping children affected by Hurricane Katrina.
How to Help Kids Cope with Disaster
These ten tips are based upon Save the Children's years of experience nationally and internationally.
Helping Children Cope
The National Association of School Psychologists offers tips on coping for adults and children.
When Disaster Hits: A Few Tips to Help Children Understand
The Maryland Cooperative Extension offers tips on helping a child cope with disaster.
Books
Find these books online at Barnes & Noble.com.
A Terrible Thing Happened
Margaret M. Holmes, Sasha J. Mudlaff, and Cary Pillo (Illustrator), American Psychological Association, February 1999.
I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand: A Child's Guide to Grief and Loss
Pat Palmer, Impact Publishers, Inc., September 1994.
Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss
Robert W. Alley, Abbey Press, September 1998.
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