Think for a minute about all the sacrifices you've made for the grandchildren you are raising. You've probably gone without sleep for them … devoted plenty of your spare time to them … given up your social life for them … maybe even taken a job to support them.
You love your grandchildren. You're happy to have them in your home. You have no doubt that you're doing the right thing.
But, admit it. You're tired and stressed. You may feel lonely and isolated. You might even be a little depressed. All these feelings are normal. And, they are a sure sign that it's time to start taking care of yourself. Otherwise, you may not be able to take care of your grandchildren for as long as they need you. If you get sick or burned out, what will they do?
Think of it this way. Taking better care of yourself means taking better care of your grandchildren.
Emotional Strains
No one said that raising grandchildren would be easy. Besides being a lot of work, it can make you feel many emotions that you don't want to feel.
You might feel angry or resentful. You looked forward to this time in your life. You had big plans! Now those plans are on hold. You just want to be a grandparent, not a parent. You want to spoil your grandchildren, not discipline them.
You might feel guilty. Maybe you feel responsible because your son or daughter can't take care of your grandchildren. This situation is not your fault. But it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself.
You probably feel a little stressed out. You have so many decisions to make right now. Are you making the right ones? Are you doing what's best for your grandchildren?
You may feel lonely. Your old friends may not understand what you're going through. And you don't have much in common with the parents of your grandchildren's friends.
Some days, these feelings can seem overwhelming. Don't give up! Instead, try some of the following coping tips.
Face Your Feelings
Don't feel guilty about how you feel. Every grandparent caregiver feels the same way at one time or another. It's important to admit what you're feeling. It may also help to talk about your feelings with someone else—a friend, a relative, or a professional. This will help you make peace with your feelings. Then you can get on with your life.
Guard Your Health
You'll feel better—and do better as a caregiver—if you pay attention to your own health. Get regular check-ups. Take your medications as directed. If you smoke, stop. Try to eat better. Talk to your doctor if you are feeling depressed or stressed out. He or she may be able to help.
Most important, get some exercise. There's no better way to relieve stress than to take a brisk walk, play a game of tennis, or go to a fitness class. It helps you let off steam. It improves your mood. It can even give you more energy. Can't get away from the kids? Take them with you. They could use some exercise too!
Take a break
Every so often, you need to rest and recharge your battery. Call a friend or relative and ask them to baby-sit for a few hours. Find out about respite services in your area. Some agencies will get you a babysitter if you ask. Others will let you drop off your grandchildren at a special program for a few hours.
Can't afford a babysitter? Offer to watch the grandchildren of another grandparent caregiver. Then ask that grandparent to watch your grandchildren. You'll both get a break—and it won't cost a dime.
Ask for help
There are plenty of people out there willing to lend you a hand. Need financial help? Childcare? Legal advice? Parenting tips? Call your Area Agency on Aging (AAA) or Grandparent Resource Center to find out how to get the help you need. If staff people at the AAA can't help you, they may know someone who can.
Consider connecting with a faith community. Your church, temple or synagogue can be like a family to you. Congregation members help each other in times of need. And many faith-based organizations offer services, like child care and transportation, which you may find useful.
Join a support group. Support groups are the best place to meet other grandparents like you. You can share your feelings with people who really understand. You can make new friends. And you can get information and services that will help you cope with your new parenting role.
Have Some Fun
Make an effort to put some fun back in your life. You'll feel happier and healthier. And your grandchildren will enjoy being around you.
Fun doesn't happen by itself. You have to look for it. Start your search by calling your department of recreation. Every county has one. Most offer classes, sports leagues, and trips. These programs usually don't cost very much. Your local senior center has classes and social events, too. Check your newspaper for notices about free events that you would enjoy.
Remember, you don't have to be a dare devil to enjoy yourself. Read a good book, plant a garden, join an exercise class. Take up an old hobby. Learn to surf the Internet. Find something that makes you smile—and do it! You'll feel better. And your grandchildren will thank you for it.
AARP Resources
- Keep Active: Get Movin' at 50-Plus
A free on-line seminar explains how some regular activities, like gardening, vacuuming or walking, can help you reach your fitness goals. - AARP on Staying Active
AARP has lots of articles—and programs—to help you stay active and healthy. Be sure to check out the walking programs. - The Pocket Guide to Staying Healthy at 50+
AARP worked with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to develop a guide to health for older people. Visit this Web site to find out how to take charge of your health.
Other Resources
- Taking Time for You
The University of Illinois Extension shares practical ideas for reducing the stress of caregiving. - Young at Heart: Tips for Older Adults
Find out everything you need to know about staying healthy in this feature from the National Institutes of Health. - Recreation.gov
Search for recreation activities in any state at this Web site sponsored by the U.S. Department of the Interior.
Books
Find these books online at Borders.com .
- The New Yoga for People Over 50, Suza Francina, Health Communications, Incorporated, April 1997.
- "Ten Fun Things to Do Before You Die," Karol A. Jackowski, Hyperion, March 2000.
- "Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life," Roger Rosenblatt, Harcourt, October 2001.
preview