Goyer: Child Care Agreements
By: Amy Goyer | Source: AARP.org | March 2009
Have a Child Care Tip?
Care for your grandchild and have a tip that can help? Submit it in the comments section below or in our Raising Grandchildren online community group.
Known for her expertise on multigenerational and grandparenting issues, Amy Goyer is the AARP family expert.
Listen to Amy discuss childcare agreements on AARP Radio.
Past columns:
Helpful Web sites
- The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) has great information for child care providers and families. The initiative, "Their Early Years are Learning Years," includes everything from holidays to water play to developmental stages.
- Grandparents.com provides activity ideas, fun with cooking, discussions with other grandparents providing child care, and expert advice about your grandchildren.
- The American Academy of Pediatrics has resources about safety, illnesses, developmental stages, and more.
It's 6 a.m., and it seems as if you'd just closed your eyes when the alarm rings obnoxiously. You drag yourself to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water. No change. You slug your way to the kitchen and guzzle down some coffee, but the vitality just won't break through.
Suddenly, despite the fog, you hear a knock on the door. In comes a familiar person carrying something that looks like a giant marshmallow. But then you see the tiny face peering through the blankets, and your heart jolts. Here’s life! Transformed, you reach for your small ward. You're "Super Child Care Granny"! Nothing can stop you now from caring for, nourishing, teaching, and loving your grandchild.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 30 percent of preschoolers receive care from a grandparent while their mothers work. ChildTrends, a research center that studies children, reports that almost half of all grandparents routinely provide some type of child care. It seems to me that the intergenerational support within American families is alive and well. And most grandparents who provide care are not paid or are paid less than other child-care providers. You may not be Super Child Care Granny (or perhaps your superhero cape is at the dry cleaners), but are you providing child care, before- or after-school care, back-up care, sick-child care, … or the occasional Saturday night care for grandchildren? You are in good company.
I often hear from grandparents about their child care experiences—primarily grandmothers, but grandfathers step in, too. Often, they say they missed out on watching their children develop when they were growing up, so they see caring for grandchildren as a second chance. Some grandparents quit their jobs, take early retirement, or cut back on work hours so they can help care for grandchildren. Sure, across cultures, grandparents have traditional roles helping to raise their grandchildren. But today's grandparents are a new breed.
Boomer grandparents have had different life experiences, and yet they still find ways to support the younger generations—albeit with a different approach than that of earlier grandparents.
Boomers who are grandparents, or "grandboomers," are a bit more "plugged in." They are more likely to go online to look for ways to connect with other grandparents and to find creative and educational activities to do with their grandchildren. Grandboomers are more likely to help with living expenses, and as a group, they are more physically active with their grandchildren.
Even if they aren't full-time child care providers, grandparents often fill the gaps in care. Today's working parents may work odd hours or multiple jobs that don't fit neatly into 9-to-5 day care options. Parents also need backup options for sick children, for inclement weather, or for holidays when the child-care center or preschool is closed. Grandparents open their doors, and their hearts, to provide that supplemental care.
Penelope Leach, an internationally known child care expert with a new book, "Child Care Today," indicates that grandparents are the "glue" holding things together for working parents. She says many children are in "combination care," which usually involves grandparent care combined with another form of child care (preschool, day care, child care centers, or nannies). And what's more, grandchildren may be safer in their grandparents' care. A recent study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that children who are cared for by grandparents are at a lower risk of physical injury than children in other forms of day care.
Still, while many grandparents long for more time with grandchildren and jump at the chance to provide regular child care, other grandparents tell me they start to feel taken for granted. They love their grandchildren and don't want to say no, but many had looked forward to having an empty nest so they could live it up a little in their age-50+ years. Those grandparents often wish they could cut back on the child care—if only just a little.
Other grandparents are happy to provide care regularly, but they say there are some things that bother them—like loosey-goosey child-care schedules, conflicting discipline styles, activities desired by the parents versus activities grandparents are able to do with their grandchildren, the food they have to prepare, or the loss of income from a paid job.
These are all common complaints, and people usually follow them with spirited declarations that they love their grandchildren and are very happy to have the opportunity to spend time with them. Still, resentments can build up, and miscommunication can happen between the "nanny granny" and the parents of her grandchildren.
Despite the potential pitfalls of being Super Child Care Granny, why are so many grandparents helping to care for grandchildren so often? Some say it's because grandparents develop a closer bond with grandchildren they regularly see than with their other grandkids. Others see how hard it is to raise children in these difficult economic times and they want to help by eliminating the cost of child care. Most grandparents hate the thought of their grandchildren going into a stranger's care when they are sick. But do you know what I hear most often from grandparents who provide child care? It's the type of response that one grandmother best described: "It gets me out of bed every morning and lights up my life unlike anything else. I wouldn't trade it for the world!"
And of course, the superhero cape is quite a fashion statement.
Some tips to make the grandparent-child care provider role go more smoothly:
Suddenly, despite the fog, you hear a knock on the door. In comes a familiar person carrying something that looks like a giant marshmallow. But then you see the tiny face peering through the blankets, and your heart jolts. Here’s life! Transformed, you reach for your small ward. You're "Super Child Care Granny"! Nothing can stop you now from caring for, nourishing, teaching, and loving your grandchild.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 30 percent of preschoolers receive care from a grandparent while their mothers work. ChildTrends, a research center that studies children, reports that almost half of all grandparents routinely provide some type of child care. It seems to me that the intergenerational support within American families is alive and well. And most grandparents who provide care are not paid or are paid less than other child-care providers. You may not be Super Child Care Granny (or perhaps your superhero cape is at the dry cleaners), but are you providing child care, before- or after-school care, back-up care, sick-child care, … or the occasional Saturday night care for grandchildren? You are in good company.
I often hear from grandparents about their child care experiences—primarily grandmothers, but grandfathers step in, too. Often, they say they missed out on watching their children develop when they were growing up, so they see caring for grandchildren as a second chance. Some grandparents quit their jobs, take early retirement, or cut back on work hours so they can help care for grandchildren. Sure, across cultures, grandparents have traditional roles helping to raise their grandchildren. But today's grandparents are a new breed.
Boomer grandparents have had different life experiences, and yet they still find ways to support the younger generations—albeit with a different approach than that of earlier grandparents.
Boomers who are grandparents, or "grandboomers," are a bit more "plugged in." They are more likely to go online to look for ways to connect with other grandparents and to find creative and educational activities to do with their grandchildren. Grandboomers are more likely to help with living expenses, and as a group, they are more physically active with their grandchildren.
Even if they aren't full-time child care providers, grandparents often fill the gaps in care. Today's working parents may work odd hours or multiple jobs that don't fit neatly into 9-to-5 day care options. Parents also need backup options for sick children, for inclement weather, or for holidays when the child-care center or preschool is closed. Grandparents open their doors, and their hearts, to provide that supplemental care.
Penelope Leach, an internationally known child care expert with a new book, "Child Care Today," indicates that grandparents are the "glue" holding things together for working parents. She says many children are in "combination care," which usually involves grandparent care combined with another form of child care (preschool, day care, child care centers, or nannies). And what's more, grandchildren may be safer in their grandparents' care. A recent study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that children who are cared for by grandparents are at a lower risk of physical injury than children in other forms of day care.
Still, while many grandparents long for more time with grandchildren and jump at the chance to provide regular child care, other grandparents tell me they start to feel taken for granted. They love their grandchildren and don't want to say no, but many had looked forward to having an empty nest so they could live it up a little in their age-50+ years. Those grandparents often wish they could cut back on the child care—if only just a little.
Other grandparents are happy to provide care regularly, but they say there are some things that bother them—like loosey-goosey child-care schedules, conflicting discipline styles, activities desired by the parents versus activities grandparents are able to do with their grandchildren, the food they have to prepare, or the loss of income from a paid job.
These are all common complaints, and people usually follow them with spirited declarations that they love their grandchildren and are very happy to have the opportunity to spend time with them. Still, resentments can build up, and miscommunication can happen between the "nanny granny" and the parents of her grandchildren.
Despite the potential pitfalls of being Super Child Care Granny, why are so many grandparents helping to care for grandchildren so often? Some say it's because grandparents develop a closer bond with grandchildren they regularly see than with their other grandkids. Others see how hard it is to raise children in these difficult economic times and they want to help by eliminating the cost of child care. Most grandparents hate the thought of their grandchildren going into a stranger's care when they are sick. But do you know what I hear most often from grandparents who provide child care? It's the type of response that one grandmother best described: "It gets me out of bed every morning and lights up my life unlike anything else. I wouldn't trade it for the world!"
And of course, the superhero cape is quite a fashion statement.
Some tips to make the grandparent-child care provider role go more smoothly:
- Schedule a Meeting Time: Grandparents and parents need to talk before beginning a child care arrangement. Talk through all the details. This may not seem necessary when it's "all in the family," but you will be surprised about some of the things that have to be clarified. Don't make any assumptions.
- Create a Written Child Care Agreement: There are Child Care Agreement templates you can download with basics, such as the schedule (including drop-off and pick-up times), payment (if that is part of the deal), emergency contact information, nutrition guidelines, activity guidelines, driving, and more. Go back and review the agreement at least four times per year to make sure everything is going smoothly.
- Get Organized: If you plan to host the children in your home, be sure it is safe and ready for children. If you'll be driving grandchildren in your car, make sure it's in top shape. If you need a car seat, make sure to get the right kind for your grandchildren.
- Communicate Daily: Talk about any conflicts, challenges, or disagreements in a matter-of-fact manner. Forget that you are related. Be respectful, honest, and diplomatic. But don't let small things turn into big conflicts. Address issues as they come up.
- Have a Parent-Child Care Conference: Schedule meeting times with the parents—a half hour every month or so. That's right—just as you would a parent-teacher conference. Children’s care and growth are very important and serious matters that warrant the time to reflect on progress and behaviors in a deeper conversation. Be sure to discuss the successes (such as what activities work best or developmental strides) along with the challenges (like potty-training or difficult behaviors).
- Grandparents, Educate Yourselves: Learn about the developmental stages of the grandchildren who are your charges. Know what to look for in terms of "normal" development, and find activities that help your grandchildren learn and grow. If your grandchildren display behavior problems, talk with their parents about how to handle the issues, or share information you've found about new way to approach the behavior.
- Parents, Appreciate and Respect Your Parents: Recognize the important job they are doing by helping to care for your children. You may not know how they are sacrificing to be your child care provider. Make sure to thank them, and help your children to do the same. Think of them as you would a teacher in your child's life.
- Enjoy Each Stage: Before you know it, grandchildren will be "too old" for child care, and you'll miss it. Many grandparents graduate into before-and-after school care for kids up to their teenage years. Sometimes teens actually like telling someone about their day, and if parents are still at work, who better than a grandparent with whom to digest the day?!
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