How to Divide Family Belongings—Peacefully

Source: AARP Bulletin Today | April 2, 2004

There's no one right way to divide a family's belongings, say the authors of Moving On, but it helps if parents pave the way by talking things over with their grown children years in advance — and writing down their intentions.

Some families use colored stickers to identify preferences. A couple moving from a large house into an apartment, for example, marked in black the things they planned to keep and assigned a different color to each of their adult children. If an item had more than one sticker, the kids had to negotiate.

In other families, siblings take turns choosing sentimental treasures. Sometimes it's worthwhile to discuss top choices before a round begins: If each person gets something he or she really wants, everyone may be more amenable to negotiating on items of less importance.

But battles can erupt over whether family treasures are being divvied up fairly by monetary value. Is it equitable for one child to get the antique breakfront while another gets Dad's old fishing pole? Having an appraiser assess the value of items like jewelry, art and antiques can help assure a fair distribution.