Child Development
Grandparents find it easy and fun to mark the happy milestones in a grandchild's life. A baby's first words are big news in any family. A child's first step is a great reason for a party! But how do grandparents greet the other, not-so-happy, milestones?
How will you react, for example, when your loveable toddler suddenly greets you with frightened tears instead of a warm hug? You probably won't jump for joy! You won't want to throw a party to celebrate your granddaughter's first temper tantrum. You may want to lose your own temper when your preteen granddaughter spends an entire visit attached to her headphones.
Don't let these behaviors worry you or make you feel bad about yourself. All of them-the tears, the tantrums, and the headphones-are normal for grandchildren at certain ages. It's called "growing up," and it's not always pretty. Knowing what to expect will make it easier for you to accompany grandchildren on their journey through life, while keeping your self-esteem intact.
It Happens So Fast
When it comes to grandchildren, there's one thing you can count on. Once you think you've got them figured out, they will change. Grandchildren change so fast. It's hard to keep up with them. You almost need a guidebook to figure out what their interests and moods will be at any given age. Actually, such guidebooks do exist. Books and Web sites offer great information about all stages of a child's growing process.
Next time your favorite toddler or preteen comes to visit, do yourself a favor. Before they arrive, check your favorite guide to child development. That way, you'll know what to expect. In the meantime, take this very simple tour of your grandchild's road to maturity:
Infancy (birth to 2 years)
Be sure to approach infants slowly and carefully. They're typically afraid of unfamiliar faces, even one as kind as your own. It's also a good idea to take extra steps to keep these children safe. That's because your youngest grandchildren can't really control themselves. They don't follow rules. They don't understand that bad things could happen to them if they're not careful. Childproof your home to prevent accidents. And keep a watchful eye on youngsters at all times.
Before you know it, your infant grandchildren will be two years old and they will want to be independent. Nurture this new independence by letting grandchildren feed themselves, even if it makes a mess. And be prepared for temper tantrums and lots of "No." On the bright side, there are many fun things you can do with two-year-olds. Play games and read to them. And don't forget to hold, hug, rock, and cuddle them with abandon.
Early Childhood (3 to 8 years)
You'll have more luck reasoning with your grandchild when he or she is between the ages of three and five. That's when children begin to accept suggestions and follow simple directions. They become aware of others and start to have feelings. They also like to try new things, take risks, and make their own decisions. They share and take turns. But they can also be very bossy.
Between age six and eight, grandchildren start getting more interested in making friends. They like jokes and riddles. They begin to work with others. And you'll be able to have a good discussion with them, even if you have a different point of view. But beware. At this age, kids don't like to be criticized. And they find it hard to fail.
Later Childhood (9 to 12 years)
It's going to seem like your preteen grandchildren like their friends more than they like you. These grandchildren like to compare their own families to the families of their friends. Don't get discouraged if your family doesn't measure up in your grandchild's eyes. That's normal. At this age, grandchildren may challenge anything adults tell them to do. This can be frustrating for the adults in a preteen's life. But keep in mind that being a preteen is no picnic either. These grandchildren need your love and support more than ever.
Adolescence (13 to 18 years)
Don't expect to see much of your grandchildren during their teen years. These kids are busy making friends with both girls and boys. When they are around, though, you'll enjoy their company. Teenagers are more tolerant than preteens, and they don't change their moods as often.
Be prepared to worry about your teenage grandchildren, though. They tend to take risks, both social and physical. And be prepared to comfort them if their relationships end. They'll be in real pain and they'll need to feel that you take that pain seriously.
This, Too, Shall Pass
Once you know what to expect from grandchildren, you can relax and enjoy them as they grow. No matter how they change, it's important that you stay the same in their eyes. Grandchildren need to know that you love and support them, no matter what.
Trust that the stormy patches in your grandchild's life won't last forever. And be sure to enjoy the good weather when it arrives!
AARP Resources
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We’re Wired to Connect
Learn how other people can affect our personalities. It may help you relate to your grandchildren. -
Oh Baby!
A growing number of older men and women are welcoming newborns. What’s it like to change diapers at 50?
Additional Resources
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The Whole Child
The Public Broadcasting Service presents the ABCs of Child Development. -
Child Development Basics
The Child Development Institute offers information about physical, mental and emotional growth in children and teenagers. -
Emotions
and Behavior
Learn how children deal with emotions like separation anxiety, temper tantrums, and depression.
Books
Find these books online at Barnes & Noble
- "Ages and Stages: A Parent's Guide to Normal Childhood Development"
Charles E. Schaefer and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, Wiley, John & Sons, Incorporated, January 2000 - "Your Child: Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Development from Birth through Preadolescence"
Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, David Pruitt, HarperCollins Publishers, January 1998
