Helping Your Parents Stay Mobile
You can help your parents continue to drive safely, assess abilities realistically, and find alternative sources of transportation if necessary. Here are some steps you may want to take:
Steps to Take
Review and adjust your own attitudes about older drivers. Does your own driving style make you see slower drivers who stick to the speed limit as unfit? Do stereotypes about aging affect your feelings about older people as individuals with different strengths or do you lump them together as a group? Will your feelings about older drivers change when you grow older?
Try to get an objective idea of your parent's driving abilities. Recent accidents or traffic tickets could signal a problem. Try to drive with your parent(s), or ask someone else to observe. This will give you information so you can be specific when you discuss the situation. Some community groups assess an older person's ability to drive by riding with that individual.
Watch for warning signs. Are you observing these behaviors:
- Changing lanes without signaling
- Going through stop signs or red lights
- Reacting slowly
- Problems seeing road signs or traffic signals
- Straying into other lanes
- Going too fast or too slow for safety
- Exhibiting problems making turns at intersections, especially left turns
- Performing jerky stops or starts
Discuss driver safety with your parent or parents. Ask your parent to consider personal abilities (vision, hearing, reaction time, and flexibility) before driving. Ask them what it takes for them to feel comfortable behind the wheel.
Recommend a driving instruction "tune up." AARP offers the AARP Driver Safety Program to all motorists age 50 and older. The eight-hour classroom refresher was the first of its kind and is now the largest nationwide comprehensive curriculum designed especially for the older motorist. The program is available to both Association members and nonmembers.
Techniques for Approaching Driving Issues
Accentuate the positive. While you may find instances in which your parent is not driving safely, focus on what he or she can do well. For example, simple trips around a small town during the day may pose no hazards. Avoiding driving in some situations may be easier to face than stopping completely.
Be sensitive in how you approach driving issues with your parents. No one at any age likes to be told he's a dangerous driver, and studies show that most older people consider themselves relatively safe behind the wheel.
- Avoid taking a nasty tone, criticizing them, or making them feel attacked. Express positive and supportive feelings for them.
- Bring up the topic indirectly, such as, "I heard Mr. Jones gave up driving. Do you think your driving ability has changed?" Talk about ideas you have for keeping them on the road rather than suggesting that they give up driving.
- Provide reinforcement to correct shortcomings and overcome fears. Try to be understanding if your parent resists change. Just talking about the issue can help you gradually work toward better answers. Think about how you'd like your own children to address driving with you some day.
Check your parent's car. Does your parents' vehicle include recommended safety features? Look at how your parent(s) relate to the car itself. Can your father still see over the dashboard easily? Do your mother's feet reach the pedals easily? Are the steering wheel, mirrors, and seats properly adjusted? Are windows and mirrors free of clutter? Is the car in safe operating condition? Are the windows and windshield clear? (You may want to avoid tinted windows.)
Help parents assess their current driving skills and address problems the assessment uncovers. If your parents are agreeable, you can help them assess their current driving skillsby checking with local colleges or universities, occupational therapists, doctors, or the American Automobile Association. You can then address problems the assessment uncovers. For example, if reaction time is slowing, a driver can He or she can also avoid driving during peak traffic times or in crowded areas. Driver refresher courses or even behind-the-wheel driver education courses are other options.
Address problems the assessment uncovers. For example, if reaction time is slowing, a driver can allow more space between his or her car and the one in front. He or she can also avoid driving during peak traffic times or in crowded areas. Driver refresher courses or even behind-the-wheel driver education courses are other options.
Encourage habits that make for safer driving. Your parents will have many driving options without stopping driving entirely. Help your parents incorporate these techniques for safer driving:
- Avoid night driving, rush hour, or being on the road in bad weather.
- Limit trips in the car to shorter distances. Plan and know the route in advance.
- Incorporate more space between his or her car and the one in front. This can support a driver whose reaction time is slowing.
- Obtain regular medical check-ups, including hearing and vision. Exercise regularly to maintain strength and flexibility. Make sure medications taken don't interfere with alertness or ability to drive.
Include parents as an active part of all discussions and decisions about their driving. They should feel they are still in control and that you respect their ability to direct their own lives. The motivation for change must come from them, both for their own safety and for your relationship.
Help parents find other means of transportation so they can learn how to get around without a car. Work with your parents to identify what public, private, and community transportation services are available. These may include public buses, subways, taxis, private drivers for hire, senior transportation services, and volunteer driver services. Consider these approaches:
- Brainstorm together how your parents might get rides, and pitch in yourself when possible.
- Investigate what's available in their community. Talk to your parent(s) about what they might do for someone else in exchange for transportation.
- Find out about any discount or reduced rate programs for older adults.
Involve others if driving is dangerous. If your parents refuse to make changes or stop driving, find a doctor, a member of the clergy, or family friend to help. As a last resort, you can contact the local Department of Motor Vehicles and report unsafe driving. Most states will contact older adults and have them take a driving test, revoking their license if necessary.
