Are You Multitasked to the Max?

Like hearing an alarm buzzer that gets louder the longer you ignore it, I was jolted into awareness about losing myself in my own life and I could no longer be deaf to the signals. It happened when I was helping care for my mom, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I would get depressed and depleted, often feeling numbed by the pain and sadness. I remember someone asking me how I was feeling and I responded: "Hollow."

See also: Share your caregiving experiences.

My life was wall-to-wall overwhelming and inertia had taken over. How could I take a break, get a massage, take a bath or have a glass of wine when there was so much to do and so many waiting for me to do it? I was no longer running my life; it was running me. I felt powerless. One day I pulled the covers over my head in frustration and fatigue took over. When I woke up, after really sleeping for the first time in weeks, I was able to take charge, put out fires, and offer compassion and comfort, all without complaining.

That was the beginning of my personal awakening, when I realized how important it is to nourish ourselves — mind, body, soul and spirit. I learned that instead of sacrificing myself, I should be celebrating and honoring myself. I discovered that the best way to give Mom (or husband, kids, work, etc.) more was for me to give myself more attention.

Maybe it's been different for you, but have you ever realized that you are the last thing on your mind? The last item on the list (if you make it at all)? The first to be blamed and the last to take credit? I had to hit the martyr's wall before I was ready to give up my membership in the society of perpetual people pleasers.

This is not a bumper sticker fix for a culture that values multitaskers and has created a generation of women who self-identified as Super Women. I'm talking about reframing "me" time and seeing it for what it is — an essential action to keep women on the front lines of their lives from unraveling.
 
It was hard for me to manage my job in TV and radio, handle my three kids, be a good wife, run my charity business and help care for mom. My survival tactic was pretty simple: when you're on the balance beam, don't look down. I learned, however, that ignoring my constant state of "overwhelm" didn't work for me — and it won't for you, either.

Next: Is asking for help a sign of weakness? >>