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Top 50 Funniest Baseball Quotes

Baseball's funniest quotes

Back to Play Ball! Main PageSpring training is here, and what better way to celebrate the season than by reliving baseball's best verbal heaters, curveballs and sliders? Below, our picks for the sport's 50 funniest notable quotables.

1. It ain't nothin' till I call it. — Bill Klem, umpire

2. There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead

3. I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation. — Satchel Paige

4. Ninety percent of this game is half mental. — Yogi Berra

5. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. — Dave Barry

6. Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do? — George Bernard Shaw

7. The way to make coaches think you're in shape in the spring is to get a tan. — Whitey Ford

8. Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees. — Tom Trebelhorn

9. I watch a lot of baseball on radio. — Gerald Ford

10. I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands. — Babe Ruth

11. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off. — Bill Veeck

12. Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs. — Tim McCarver

13. Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster. — Joe Adcock

14. The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. — Yogi Berra

15. Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card. — Charles Schulz

16. I think I throw the ball as hard as anyone. The ball just doesn't get there as fast. — Eddie Bane

17. Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you. — Yogi Berra

18. There's no crying in baseball! — Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own

19. I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar. — Bob Lemon

20. Well, it took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball, and I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. — Hank Aaron

21. After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson. — Reggie Jackson

22. We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it. — Tony Gwynn

23. It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays. — Yogi Berra

24. If a horse won't eat it, I don't want to play on it. — Dick Allen on artificial turf

25. Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun? He's from Mexico. — Harry Caray

Next: More fun quotes from Susan Sarandon to Yogi Berra

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