My husband of eight years has never let go of his first wife.  They have gone several years without contact even though they have three children 14+ years of age.  Their oldest son is the one who was the go between.  During a recent separation my husband reunited briefly with his ex.  Now that we have reconciled he wants to continue his relationship with her but her motives are not pure.  Am I being unreasonable by not agreeing to this arrangement?

 I find dealing with an adult child to be most challenging, especially one that has made some VERY BAD choices.  Unfortunately for her children, siblings, parents, step-parents, and ex-husbands her choices have a domino effect.  At a time when I should be responsible only for myself I feel it is my duty to deal with her fall-out by opening my home to her youngest child which CPS removed from her along with the two older children who are with my daughters father and his wife.  At mid-night last night I received a call from my ex-wife in-law ( my term for my first ex-husbands wife) letting me know the latest on this adult child and it was not pretty.  Sad thing is in my daughters mind everything she has done and the mess her life is in is ALL MY FAULT.  Out of four children she is the only one that is having these problems.  The other three are all functioning people with a spouse and children.  They accept responsibility for their own choices and provide stable, loving homes for their children.  Thank God for the people who started the Al-Anon program,  It has been the one thing to keep me sane these last two years.  My husband (2nd marriage) gave me a choice, it was either him or my granddaughter.  Hence - D I V O R C E D.  I don't have alot of respect for an adult that is so selfish that he would insist on a child being placed with strangers because she cramps his style, especially when his son lived with us for four years. 

Ok, I feel better now.  Later this day I will be going out of town for a few days to visit a friend ALL BY MYSELF.  I feel like a kid let out of confinement.  I truly love and enjoy my granddaughter but after this past month I need a break so she will spend a couple of days with one of my son's and his family.  She will have fun and I will have the opportunity to refuel.

  Since October 20, 2007 there have been so many changes in my life.  Unfortunately I am riding the waves created by the choice of others and my options are to ride along or get off.  Today has been lonely, even in the presence of a 4yo.