AARP Online Community: pmadonia - Another weekend - another thought, or two, or three.....!

pmadonia

AARP Member

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Background

Birthday: April 19

Gender: Female

Location:
LEMON GROVE, California
United States

School:
schooled in Birmingham England

Work:
I work at a school site in the San Diego Unified School District

Hometown(s):
Birmingham, England, Portsmouth England, San Diego, California

My Websites:
pamelamadonia.com

Quote:
If you don't do it, you'll never know what would have happened if you had done it.

My Comments (1)

Another weekend - another thought, or two, or three.....!

It's Saturday July 5, 2008. So as I think about returning my Mom 'home', I tussle with "shall I let my brother come and get her (his offer), or shall I take her back?" My heart tugs. The protective part of me for Mom and me for me says, travel with her to that better place. See her in positive surroundings and have those picture memories rather than those I'd be left with if he just comes and takes her away! Sensible vs emotional, such a dilemma. Distance and expense is out of this equation for me because it is a decision bigger than money and distance... what is that in this situation? I can choose to have the journey be a really intimate memory, just me taking care of her on her way to a better situation. Or I can choose to allow my brother to just pick her up and spare me the added trauma. But what would my (possibly last) memory be then? I guess I can choose that too, after all it is my memory! Could be that it's time for me to let go of the concept that I am the only one who can do it; stop trying to do it all. Could be that I will gain closure more positively if I see her all the way through the journey. It is true that I will know better how to attend to her needs on what can be a grueling trip. But most of all, what about Mom? Oh how I wish she could tell me what she would like. Suddenly that is a silly question. She has always been one to say "do what is best for you; I would!" She was always strong like that. Independent, life loving, always on my side when I was down. How I've missed her all these years! Still, I have a few weeks to decide and actually commit to booking the flight. I will have three weeks away on vacation with my best friend and her husband at the end of this month - it will be good to talk this over with them, heal some and come back refreshed. Just thoughts amongst many.

Comments (4)

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pmadonia says:

I knew it was the right thing to do - post my thoughts; thank you for your valuable input. You are helping me to see the other side of the coin and it is so helpful.
love, Pamela

Posted: July 6, 2008 12:01PM EDT

brdmommy says:

All though it is true that you know your mom best right now, but you will need to have closure on her situation at one point. I would suggest that this is a good time to give yourself the freedom, and give your brother a new beginning with your mom and the trip. After all, he has to learn sooner or later right? He can always contact you if he needs to, and this will give him time with your mom before he has to face his wife and kids back home. That may be good for him to start her journey there. I bet that is what she would tell you if she could! One child has to surrender, and another child has to take over! But you also have to be comfortable with your choice, and feel that you can go on with your life "guilt free" too! It is definitely a hard choice..being with your friends will give you a chance to role play..that will tell you right there what is right for you!
brdmommy

Posted: July 6, 2008 12:24AM EDT

pmadonia says:

Thank you, thank you.................. your comment zoomed right into my soul. love, Pamela

Posted: July 5, 2008 4:06PM EDT

dillieg says:

the habit of surrendering some of our responsiblities is hard, isnt it? i am so much like you in that i always think i am the one that has to do something or take on all the burden and not knowing that others are there to share some of the problems and offer assistance. its hard to let someone else do some of it,isnt it? bod bless you dear lady,and i am sure your brother will do just fine. just kiss mama and say,i think this is a good thing, mama,dont you,sweetie? be blessed and you are in my prayers!

Posted: July 5, 2008 3:52PM EDT

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Added: Jul 5, 2008
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