It's Saturday July 5, 2008.   So as I think about returning my Mom 'home', I tussle with "shall I let my brother come and get her (his offer), or shall I take her back?"  My heart tugs. The protective part of me for Mom and me for me says, travel with her to that better place.  See her in positive surroundings and have those picture memories rather than those I'd be left with if he just comes and takes her away!  Sensible vs emotional, such a dilemma.  Distance and expense is out of this equation for me because it is a decision bigger than money and distance... what is that in this situation?  I can choose to have the journey be a really intimate memory, just me taking care of her on her way to a better situation. Or I can choose to allow my brother to just pick her up and spare me the added trauma.  But what would my (possibly last) memory be then?  I guess I can choose that too, after all it is my memory!  Could be that it's time for me to let go of the concept that I am the only one who can do it; stop trying to do it all.  Could be that I will gain closure more positively if I see her all the way through the journey.  It is true that I will know better how to attend to her needs on what can be a grueling trip.  But most of all, what about Mom?  Oh how I wish she could tell me what she would like.  Suddenly that is a silly question.  She has always been one to say "do what is best for you; I would!"  She was always strong like that. Independent, life loving, always on my side when I was down.  How I've missed her all these years!  Still, I have a few weeks to decide and actually commit to booking the flight.  I will have three weeks away on vacation with my best friend and her husband at the end of this month - it will be good to talk this over with them, heal some and come back refreshed.  Just thoughts amongst many.

 I am overwhelmed with the beautiful responses I've had to my first journal entry - thank you all for your wonderful comments and helpful input. And happy July 4 to you and yours.  I have found one carrier (Zoom) that has a non-stop flight from San Diego to England - which is key.  My mom cannot communicate any of her needs or concerns and has very limited mobility now, so it is imperitive that I can transport as straightforwardly as possible.  Leaving from our airport will be wonderful as it is only a 12 mile car ride!  I do talk to my mom as if she understands - I know somewhere in there she 'gets' it, if only intuitively.

The promise of a comfortable bed, in a warm and comfortable home with loving people around her is as appealing to me as much as it will to her 

 June 30, 2008.  Today I made the leap to share myself here in this this format.  Usually I keep quite solitary and I really like it that way!  However, I do realise that sometimes I need to join the world.  I also recognise that speaking up via an AARP website may help me in my quest.

My quest:  To get my Mom back to England and allow her "end of life" to be more peaceful.  I brought her here in August of 2001, already in the beginning stages of Alzheimers.  I was able to keep her home with me for five years until she was no longer safe at home alone.  Unfortunately, I had to work full time (still do). So my Mom is in a nursing home, needing 24/7 care.  My younger brother and his wife in Devon, England are willing to take care of Mom in their home in the country - peaceful and quiet.  I have reached a point that says my Mom deserves better, that the heartache of seeing her in the 'home' is greater than the heartache of letting her go, taking her home to England.

If anyone reading this has any suggestions for transporting my Mom to England in the most comfortable way possible I would love to hear it.  Mom will be 88 yrs old on July 11.  We are planning her return around the end of this September.

 June 30, 2008.  Today I made the leap to share myself here in this this format.  Usually I keep quite solitary and I really like it that way!  However, I do realise that sometimes I need to join the world.  I also recognise that speaking up via an AARP website may help me in my quest.

My quest:  To get my Mom back to England and allow her "end of life" to be more peaceful.  I brought her here in August of 2001, already in the beginning stages of Alzheimers.  I was able to keep her home with me for five years until she was no longer safe at home alone.  Unfortunately, I had to work full time (still do). So my Mom is in a nursing home, needing 24/7 care.  My younger brother and his wife in Devon, England are willing to take care of Mom in their home in the country - peaceful and quiet.  I have reached a point the says my Mom deserves better, that the heartache of seeing her in the 'home' is greater than the heartache of letting her go, taking her home to England.

If anyone reading this has any suggestions for transporting my Mom to England in the most comfortable way possible I would love to hear it.  Mom will be 88 yrs old on July 11.  We are planning her return around the end of this September.