It's Saturday July 5, 2008.   So as I think about returning my Mom 'home', I tussle with "shall I let my brother come and get her (his offer), or shall I take her back?"  My heart tugs. The protective part of me for Mom and me for me says, travel with her to that better place.  See her in positive surroundings and have those picture memories rather than those I'd be left with if he just comes and takes her away!  Sensible vs emotional, such a dilemma.  Distance and expense is out of this equation for me because it is a decision bigger than money and distance... what is that in this situation?  I can choose to have the journey be a really intimate memory, just me taking care of her on her way to a better situation. Or I can choose to allow my brother to just pick her up and spare me the added trauma.  But what would my (possibly last) memory be then?  I guess I can choose that too, after all it is my memory!  Could be that it's time for me to let go of the concept that I am the only one who can do it; stop trying to do it all.  Could be that I will gain closure more positively if I see her all the way through the journey.  It is true that I will know better how to attend to her needs on what can be a grueling trip.  But most of all, what about Mom?  Oh how I wish she could tell me what she would like.  Suddenly that is a silly question.  She has always been one to say "do what is best for you; I would!"  She was always strong like that. Independent, life loving, always on my side when I was down.  How I've missed her all these years!  Still, I have a few weeks to decide and actually commit to booking the flight.  I will have three weeks away on vacation with my best friend and her husband at the end of this month - it will be good to talk this over with them, heal some and come back refreshed.  Just thoughts amongst many.