I woke up today with the noise of the streets, my dog Samson looking up at me, and the alarm clock buzzing with this irrational song that my godchild picked up for me. I took a deep breath and as I planted my feet on the floor a rush of gratitude feelings came to my mind, to every cell of my body. I was so grateful to have two feet, so grateful to have at least one working eye (I don't see from my left one!), I felt so grateful to have a roof over my head and a house to call my own.
I turned on the television and so many bad news came through that signal that I decided to turn it off. I made my coffee, Ahhhh is so good to smell that fresh brewed coffee...it awakens your senses (Thank you Maxwell!). I opened the door to my back yard and to my amazement there was a blue robin playing around, and the smell of sweet flowers filled the air. ( No, I am not Snow White!); and then all of the sudden it hit me how much like an onion I am. Yes! AN ONION, the same one that you find in the produce section of your local supermarket. Come on follow my lead, take an onion in your hand and look at it, cut it in half and you will see that it has many layers. There is that first tough one, the one that is the outside, and to me that layer represents the constant need for approval from others that I have kept attached to my being for so many years. I was always searching for that "Job well done!", or "you look great"; when I should have known all along that the only approval that I need is from me. I have to like myself in order to be liked and loved by others.
But let's not stop there, lets remove another layer...oh yes! That one! The layer of shame and guilt. I carried so much guilt and felt so ashamed for things that I did or didn't do! Felt guilty for things that were beyond my control but decided to carry the heavy burden anyway. Guilty for that happiness of others when all along I am only responsible for my own happiness. I can not make another person happy, I can facilitate some aspects in their lives but I can not control how happy or how much happiness they are going to feel. I felt guilty for actions that were considered mistakes but without them I wouldn't be that person that sits in from of this computer right now, the caring person that I have become...so let me drop that layer too!
...and as we continue dropping layers we get to the center of that onion, the one that contains that sweet wonderful flavor, the essence of the existence, the one that we hide from everyone including ourselves. There I am untouched by hurt, criticism or false expectations. I am in tune with the creation, with all the energy that vibrates across the universe. There is where my happiness lays, right there within myself...I was so wrong all these years looking for happiness outside myself, always hoping for the okay from the world...when I just needed to say to myself..."Antonio you are more than okay, you are a work of art in progress just like the caterpillar awaiting its transformation into a butterfly"....keep growing, keep learning, keep loving yourself, and keep believing in the good of others!
rainbow
