nurseantonio
 
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AARP Member
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Background
Name: Antonio
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual
Location:
MIAMI, Florida
United States
Quote:
Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about you unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed but what it is still possible for you to do. Pope John XXIII
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About Me

I am a student of life. Always searching for ways to create positive energy around others as well as in myself. English is not my first language so you might find lots of grammatical errors but just remember I speak from my heart and I only expect the same from those who see my page. I am not interested in sex connections so please don't bother. Share with me ways to create a better world. Teach me about your faith and I will show you mine. Let's learn together! The world needs to be saved from the destruction created by the human hand, and there is not only one religion or faith that can do it. We must respect everyone's beliefs and only then the universal energy that some have chosen to call God will respond to us! I am also a lovable guy who believes in the good of the people. Likes to make new friends, and discuss the ways to better our lives and ultimately the world! I am a work in progress so you might see me as a human chamaleon!

Interests:
Music, Theater, Spiritualism, Health, Friends, Art, Travel, Sharing time with friends, Golden Retrievers,
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My father...who was he?

 

My father has Parkinson’s Disease, and has also developed Senile Dementia. I dress him every morning, shave him whenever he needs it, take him to all his medical appointments, and provide him with all the things that he might need.
He has these pair of deep blue/green eyes which probably made my mother fall in love with him. Last week I was picking him up from the adult day care center, and I stared into his eyes, looking for a sign of love, and I couldn’t find one.
I have been taking care of him for over 20 years, and curiously enough, I had never heard from him the words "I love you" or "I am proud of you." Day after day we continue our routine but the bond that I believe should be there is non-existent. I just love him because he is my dad but I do not know much about his past, his history and he doesn’t know much about me.
I comb his hair, and just last week I had to buy him a new set of teeth because apparently he lost his dentures, and he can’t remember where. My father always made sure that he was dressed with very nice and expensive clothes but he never asked me how I was doing in school.
Please do not take me wrong, he provide for me everything that I needed from the material world. I got a motorcycle, and when I went to college he bought me a car. WE moved so many times from city to city, country to country, that I have lost count.
I look into his eyes and I feel sorry for him, for me. I am thirsty for those words of affection, for a hug. Sometimes, when I shave him, I outline his wrinkles, and wonder, where he has been all my life? Why is so hard for people to communicate love?
One day he will be gone, I won’t shave him anymore, I won’t kiss him like I do everyday when I drop him at the day care center.....and I will sit on his house wondering...my father who was he?
 

My father on the last Christmas we spent together in 2006.


P.S. I wrote this in January 16, 2007, on February 23, my father died of a massive heart attack. I gave him CPR but he was long gone. Images still haunt me of giving him mouth to mouth, and compressions to his chest. I miss him!
 
 
 
Added: August 13, 2008
Views: 248 | Comments: 1 | Bookmarks: 0
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  Comments (5)  
grandma01
grandma01 says:

Hi San Antonio....I too am in San Antonio....Just wanted to let you know I visited your profile, and your memorie of your father touched my heart to the point of tears.
Your dear father will always be in your heart, and he is looking down from heaven
at you. He is in Gods hands now, so dont lose faith.

I am also with the group, Let's praise God...Do drop by the group site for a visit.


God Bless
Carol
Posted: May 24, 2009 10:33AM EDT
rlbeattie
rlbeattie says:

Hey Antonio,

Thanks for opening your heart and sharing about your journey with your father.

My father was killed suddenly at the age of 58 in a vehicle accident in 1994, so I did not have the chance to experience him in his alter years. However, after his death I cared for three of my four grandparents until each in turn died here at home with me. From 1994 until my last grandma died in 2002, it was my privilege and frustration, joy and sorrow to be a caregiver and a grandson.

My paternal grandma had cancer and made her transition first. She was sweet and gentle and died in a peaceful and whole way. Her husband had been a stroke survivor for almost 12 years and needed a lot of direct care since his stroke had left him unable to speak or care for himself. After my paternal grandma died, my maternal grandma came to live with me and help me care for my paternal grandpa (and me.)

After Grandpa's death in 2000, Grandma and I hung out until she passed in 2002, she was half way to 91 and became ill quickly and passed very peacefully with my singing to her and holding her hand. She taught me so much about life over the years and always accepted me just as I was.

I am more as a person and a man for having been a part of the last days for each of them and I miss them and my father. Baring for someone is complex and intimate in unexpected ways.

Thanks again for sharing yourself and for stirring up my memories.

Ric
Posted: January 28, 2009 3:13PM EST
nurseantonio
nurseantonio says:

Thank you for stopping by, and sharing such beaitiful memories with me...I never had the chance to grow up with grandparents because my parents left Cuba in 1959 to avoid the comunist regimen, I grew up without counsins and/or other family. My parents friends bacame my uncles and aunts.
Keep in touch..many blessings,
Posted: January 29, 2009 11:48AM EST
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