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You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Summer FadingIT COULD BE MY LAST REUNION
Every two years, rain or shine, my family has a reunion. This has been going on since forever. My family is so dysfunctional that we have it during August in Western Oklahoma. Now how dysfunctional is that? They have it at Uncle Billy Bud's farm next to the driest lake in the U.S. The dock hasn't seen water since before the Dust Bowl. I haven't been to this reunion in about 18 years, now I know why I stayed away. The event was kicked off with coffee and donuts at 9:00 AM, not amusing when the temperature was 93 degrees. People staggered in from all directions and at 12:00 PM, with a temperature of 113 degrees, we lined up for our picnic lunch. The lack of humidity sucked my big bowl of potato salad dry making it look like Mt. Fuji with slices of boiled egg for garnish. There were 103 people hugging one sorry cottonwood tree all looking for shade. Unfortunately, it was the home of a contingent of buzzards, which were not into sharing and commenced pooping on the family. This was not a pretty sight, but we were not leaving the shade for a bunch of noisy pooping buzzards. The family held out and won the day! I was so proud! While I was devouring some of Aunt Rena Pearl's spinach dip (she calls it "Oklahoma Grass" and that is exactly what it looks like if Oklahoma had green grass) I noticed the women in the family. All are old and have huge thighs, gigantic rear-ends, large stomachs, arm wings and triple chins. I was appalled! Hard to believe people have changed that much in 18 short years. The entire family needs to learn self-control and how to use a calorie counter. As we were driving away from the reunion my husband looked over at me and said "it must be nice to have a large family like this, especially when everyone looks alike!" Have you ever driven 800 miles in utter silence! Have you ever clinched your teeth so hard bubbles popped out of the sides of your mouth? Have you ever gripped the upholstery so hard that your fingernails dug through five layers of naugahide? I was beyond mad, I was on the verge of a complete meltdown. As soon as we got home I beat a path to my birth certificate. Somewhere on this document it has to say I was adopted. I'm sure it's here, I just can't find it. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
I loved your story!! I wouldn't be caught within 50 miles of the place if my family ever decided to have a reunion! They never will though. That would require a collective four or five hours of sobriety to plan it. I don't think I have ever seen one person on my dad's side (other than my sweet Aunt Nez) without a can of beer in their hands. So, I am safe. No family reunions for me. (Whew!)
Great story!!
Hi Nikki,
Great journal. I think I'm adopted too. :-)
Have a Great Day!
Carol
I must say we probably belong to the same family but others are the ones that say I am adopted because of my artistic hippie style in a family of country folks and pessamists...
My real comment is about your profile picture...it never fails to make me smile when I am on this site...I could swear it is a reflection of me after my Halloween rush at the costume shoppe
I THOUGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST FAMILY IN THE UNIVERSE, MAYBE WE`RE RELATED ! LOL !!
WE HAD OUR REUNION THE 27TH OF JULY, IT WAS 97 DEGREES, THE HOTTEST DAY OREGON HAD SEEN THIS YEAR. EVERY ONE CROWDED INTO MY BROTHERS HOUSE AND MILLED AROUND LIKE A HERD OF CATTLE ! tHEN THE FOOD STARTED TO FLY SO AT LEAST THEY FOUND SOMETHING TO DO BESIDES COMPLAIN AND ARGUE.
I WENT TO MY APT. AND HID FOR A COUPLE HOURS, THEN A BUNCH OF THE "KIDS"
[IN THEIR 40`S] DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO GO TO TOWN FOR "A" DRINK, YAH, RIGHT !
THEY CAME BACK AROUND 2 A.M., SOME SLEPT IN THE BACK YARD,[NOT BY CHOICE]
NO ONE WOULD CARRY THEM ! THE REST HIT THE HOUSE AND WOKE EVRY ONE UP AND WENT TO SLEEP? THE NEXT DAY ,YEP PEOPLE ALL OVER THE FLOOR TIL 1:OO,
THEN THE FIGHT STARTED. MY NIECE WAS MAD AT HER DAD BECAUSE HE DID`NT LEAVE HER HIS HOUSE IN HIS WILL,SO SHE SAID SHE DID`NT THINK HE WAS HER REAL FATHER ! THEN SHE SAID SHE HATED ME `CAUSE I MADE HER EAT A PEANUTBUTTER AND MAYONAISE SANDWICH WHEN SHE WAS 7 !!
i TOLD THEM ALL I THOUGHT I`D GO SIT ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS AND WAIT FOR A TRAIN BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE A BETTER IDEA THAN LISTNING TO THEM ! LOL !!
NO MORE FAMILY REUNIONS FOR THIS OLD GAL, LIFES TOO SHORT TO WASTE YOUR TIME WITH ALL THAT HATE AND DISCONTENT.
MY CONDOLENCES TO YOU, I FEEL YOUR PAIN ! LOL !
YOUR FRIEND IN OREGON...LONNIE
Good story Nikki! Just keep them coming, we all need a good laugh.
As always Nikki, you have me on the floor laughing LOL LOL.
Love your Journal.
Love,
Carol
Funny, funny, funny! Reminds me of my family reunion in KC, MO also in the hottest month of the year the 3rd week of August. Are these people deranged or something to want to get out in the heat to fight all the crawling and flying insects for a morsel of Aunt Dolly's best apple pie, or cousin Earl's wife's chocolate layer cake, not to mention Aunt Mandy's finger lick'in good, country fried chicken. Like you I've not gone to one in many years and the last one I did go to there were so many new faces and a loss of many of those senior relatives that it didn't even feel like the same family any longer. I guess it is time for the passing of the torch to the younger generation, maybe they can figure out a nicer time of the year to meet instead of August.
BTY... Congrats for being on the main page.
Deb
Some things are best left unsaid. The similarity to my kinfolks is one thing, saying it outloud is another thing entirely. I forgave him, the beast!!!!! LOL
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