The other day my grandson asked me how it felt to be old. Since that is something I don't think about, I told him to let me think about it awhile and I would talk to him later. Old age, I decided, is a gift. Now, probably for the first time in my life, I am the person I always wanted to be. Not my body ! I sometimes cringe over that,  the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the saggy butt. I often look in the mirror and wonder who that old woman is who is looking back at me. I would never trade my friends, my wonderful life or my amazing family for less gray hair or a flat belly. As i have aged I have become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie or for buying that other book that I could get from the library. I am entitled to overeat,to be messy to be extravagant. I have seen to many friends leave this world to soon ; before they understood the great freedom that comes with age.  Whose business is it if I stay up until 4 AM reading or playing on the computer and then sleep until 10 or 11 oclock? I will dance by myself to the tunes of the 60's and if I want to , cry over a lost love.I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over the bulging body and will dive in the waves while the bikini set watch with their glances of pity.They to will one day get old.. I know that at times I am getting forgetful, But,  there again some things are best forgotten. I eventually remember the important things. Sure over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers or even when you lose a beloved pet? But broken hearts are what gives us strength. understanding and compassion. I am so blessed to have lived long enough for my hair to turn gray, and my youthful laugh to be forever etched in the grooves in my face. So many have never laughted and so many died before their hair could turn gray, I have learned a lot in my 65 years. I can say "no " and mean it and I can say "yes " and mean it.  Yes old age is wonderful !!!

  Well it is July 4th. We used to celebrate. ( the 4th And the 3rd was our anniversary). I would start early and fry chicken and make potato salad and the works for everyone. We would start around 2 o'clock. We got to talk for a while then the guys would move outside and play horseshoes until dark. Then they would move inside and play poker. The girls would sit around and talk and cheer on there favorite horseshoe player. once in a while they were allowed to play.  While they guys were waiting they would tell stories about things they did when they were young. Things I did not know about. If I had known I probably would have beat them within an inch of there lives. The children would play themselves out, and would fall asleep in front of the TV. We always had Disney Movies for them. The TV was always on. We tried last year to have the get together but it didn't work. We were missing the most important person.  This year we didn't even try.  The older grandchildren will remember the good times. As for the younger ones it will be up to their parents to start their own traditions. I hope you all have a wonderful day.  KM

The weekend has passed.and I made it through. There were several of us who played cards Friday night. I had a good time. I didn't fall apart. I made it through. Saturday we cooked out at my daughter's  house, Watched a movie and had a good time. I stayed over. My son-in-law and my 12 year old grandson cooked breakfast for my daughter and myself. We had a good day. For those of you who don't know, my loving husband of 50 years died unexpectedly a year ago on May 10. At the time I thought it was the end of the world. It wasn't. I still have the memories of our life together. The memories of the night he died are still there,but they come less often. It is getting better. I made it through the year.  Good for me.        

  I spent the weekend with my oldest son and his family. He drove an hour and a half to get me,and then an hour and a half back. This was after he worked all day.  When we got to the house there was my daughter-in-law preparing a wonderful meal, after working all day.  I am finding out what a special person she really is. Before my husband died we did not visit. They always came for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am finding out how much I have really missed. There are two wonderful children. A boy who will be 18 in May. A girl who just turned 15 this month. My grandson has been working on his Eagle Scout project. I got to help plant the flowers that finished the project this weekend. I even got to meet some more of his friends  who helped. These kids all play in the school band and are graduating from high school in June. My grandson will be going to UNC Charolette in the fall. I am so proud of him, but I really missed a lot of his life . I regret that.  My granddaughter is a freshman in highschool. A straight A student who also plays in the school band. I got to see her preform a few weeks ago when she was selected to play in The All County Band. I am so proud of her.Both kids will be preforming in the spring concert in three weeks. I will go back for that. I can never make up the time I missed but hopefully I  can see them regularly now. Just a reminder:  Go see your kids and grandkids whenever possible. Get to know your son's and daughter's-in-law. You never know, your's might be like mine :VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE.  It took me to long time to find that out. Sure hope it wasn't to long.

I have been thinking. I was married for almost 51 years. I took care of my family,cooked, cleaned, nursed and did all the things I was supposed to do. I am not really complaining.just thinking. In September I moved into a high rise apartment building for the eldery and disabled. Acouple of my boys thought I was trying to forget their Father. (no way) I was living in a 6 room house, by myself. I didn't own it. It belonged to my Stepfather's children. I had lifetime rights. Got to thinking. Why did I need it? My husband was gone, I did not need the big kitchen any more.Why did I need 3 bedrooms? Who was going to do the mowing and yard work I couldn't do?  Therefore my decision was made. I have a wonderful apartment and great friends. I have said "At my age you loose more friends than you make." I am now finding that is not true. I am on my own for the first time in my life. I am enjoying it greatly. I don' have to cook if I don't want to. I can go to bed or read as late as I want, can get up when I want. I can come and go as I please. I feel as if I have been let out of a cage. Am I wrong to feel this way? I think not.

 I was married at age thirteen. Had five boys before age 21. At age 31 had a daughter. I was married to my husband for 50 years. He died unexpectdedly on May 10 2007. It has been a rough year. It seems to be getting better though.I thank God every day for my daughter and her family. They are my strength.