Finally got the fence up to keep my dogs in. Vanna and Rosie stay in the yard but Tilly didn't. Only took 2 days to put it in. Today is an ok day. Its Savannah's last day for softball. This season went by fast. Wish it wasn't over. We love softball so much, my whole family does.

Well, Sammy got her first installment payment from the court case I won in the death of her mom. Hope she spends it wisely. No amount of money can bring back Tawny and make her death any easier.

My roses are starting to bloom. Can't wait. They're so beautiful. Had to dig up some of my Iris' to put the fence in place. Need to plant them in another spot in my yard.  Feeling kinda lazy today though. Will get to it soon......

  OH MY GOSH!!! Did I ever have a bad day yesterday. I went to listen to my voice messages and waited for a message from my mom. I even imagined what she would say. My moms been gone for 4 yrs. now. I must really be missing her. It just seem so automatic. My heart and mind forgot she wasn’t here. I think she was letting me know she was with me.

Vanna had a band concert last night. Her dad wasn’t going to come to it. She had been crying the night before because of that. I get so mad at him because he doesn’t seem to understand that he has to give more of himself to Vanna because her mom isn’t here to be with her. Ugh. She is getting to the point that she knows he’s going to disappoint her. She is the only daughter he has too. I am so glad Vanna lives with me. I went into one of my melt downs while she was in school yesterday. My daughter should be here taking Van to her concerts. Everytime there’s an event that has to do with Tawny’s girls, I go into my melt downs. My anxiety kicks in and I’m a mess for awhile. Her concert was great. Her momma would be so proud of her baby.

Sometimes I wish I could die. I feel like I could live life on the edge and I wouldn’t be afraid of dieing. I know people in higher places. lol I wouldn’t be alone there. Tawny would be mad at me if I was to leave her babies here cause she knows I protect the girls with my life. You know, if God hadn’t taken my daughter, I wouldn’t have to lean on him so much now. Oh such is life.......

  Just sitting here today, thinking about when I was about 11-12 yrs. old, I use to lay in bed and swear I wouldn't have any kids cause they leave you.  It wasn't that they would grow up and leave home but something would happen to them and they would die.  My worst fear has come true. One of my kids did die.  I would cry cause I knew my mom and grma would die too.  When I was 16, my sister died from a horse accident.  Wow, what a concept.  Why was I so scared people would leave me.   I have family and all but since my daughter passed away,  I am numb now.