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 I have been told that the most memorable first impression in America for visitors from the Third World countries is the local grocery store with tiers of fresh vegetables, meat and all kinds of boxed and canned goodies. For a person used to perhaps one cut of meat and one brand of cereals, this abundance of choices can be positively dizzying.

We have choices in this country. Choices are all around us and permeate every aspect of our culture. We have choices of bread, soups, paper towels and razor blades. We have choices in education, health care, job and housing. On the whole, choices are desirable. We can select the item that specifically suits our taste and budget. We ca change the wallpaper in our living room, if we get bored of the cereal we can try a high bran or low sugar. We can choose the latest model of car to show off to our neighbors. We can send our kids to the best school across town if needed. All this sounds very wonderful, very American. Having the options to choose should make us feel more satisfied, more in control, right? Surprisingly, the answer is not that simple.

Various studies have shown that having varieties and choices does not necessarily make one more satisfied. As a matter of fact, often the opposite is true. Having to select from 12 different patterns of bone china may be exciting for some bride-to-be, but it would be a chore for most of us. Making a choice needs time and energy, two commodities in short supply in today’s high speed world. So we often stick to one or two tried and true varieties and ignore the rest. Of course, this fact persuades the advertisers to try even harder to catch our attention. Adding to the already high noise level of our life style.

Do we really need so many choices? Complete lack of varieties will not suit any of us, but I wonder if there is an optimum number beyond which one’s mind will wonder and eyes glaze over. I presume choices in luxury items like perfumes and lipsticks or varieties of food items may be essential to cater to different tastes. But is it really necessary to have 150 types of door knobs and dead bolts, toilet bowl cleaners and bottled waters, coffee makers and detergents?

Choices in expensive items too can cause significant anxiety and stress. Just ask any man trying to buy an engagement ring for his fiancée. For most high budget purchases, the buyer will have to surf the internet for hours, read up volumes of Consumer Reports, solicit opinions from friends and neighbors and comparison shop for days and weeks all over town before deciding on say a particular brand of color TV. Even then he may not be completely sure if hegot the best deal for his money or the very cutting edge in technology that he desired. And there is no guarantee that his brother in-law would not show up bragging about his own latest acquisition, and the ‘rat race’ will start all over again. All that is enough to give a man (or a woman) a severe case of heartburn! But, wait! What can you take for relief? Prilosec or Prevacid? Maalox or Xantac? Should you go for the best prescription drug or opt for the cheaper generic? Should you take them just in case you need it or wait and see? And what about the side effects? And the costs, the co-payments. The ‘choices’ go on and on. For every choice one makes there is a possibility that the right choice

 was missed. The probability of error increases with number of choices available.

The easy availability and societal acceptance of certain lifestyle choices have significantly altered our culture. We routinely change our jobs. The old image of loyal long term employee now rouses derision and suspicion of laziness and lack of ambition. we change our spouses for the slightest of reasons, with no social stigma attached. If we could we would probably change our kids and parents for ‘better models’ too.

Receiving healthcare has lately become a matter of personal choice. To avoid any hint of Marcus Welby style paternalism, the physicians (read health care providers) now expects the patients (read health care consumers) to be full and equal partners in the quest for health and to be aware of  the pros and cons of all the different treatment strategies for his ailment. The physician is there merely tp provide the information and make helpful explanation. I often wonder if this is always desirable. Would a lay person in chronic pain or some incurable disease be in a position to wade through all the information and make the best choice (not unlike ordering from a Chinese take out menu)? Or would he rather rely and trust his doctors to make the best choice for him while maintaining a veto power if and when needed.

Consider the issue of career choices. Our mothers and grandmothers were raised to get married, produce children and run a household. Yes, some of them might have chafed at the restrictions, but by and large the vast majority were satisfied ith their choices or lack thereof. In contrast, today’s woman is raised to be anything and everything, from the President of the United States to Mommy at Home.

She has received expensive education and the societal expectation that she ‘better do something more than just have a family’. Consequently she suffers from an ‘overdose of choices’. To satisfy all, she tries to do all and  invariably ends up exhausted and guilty.

I am all for equality of genders, but we need to have true freedom of choices. These high achieving women are not any happier than their grandmothers were. Perhaps I our enthusiasm to offer them allthe choices, we forgot to tell them that can not have it all, that Superwoman is a myth, that in life, the important ‘C’ word is not ‘Choice’ but ‘Compromise’. In life, one has to make choices and compromises. The key to contentment is making the compromises one can live with and not second-guessing the choices one did not make.

INDIA ABROAD/7/9/2004.