Had been caretaking or providing assistance for several yrs now. Firsat part couple yrs was unpaid, as noone knew programs to provide help. Since mid 2008 been paid thru funded agency PPL of Virginia,. Which i understand covers several states within it territorial agencies. Triple I of Virginia was the channel to provide application, background check and set-up such as fax turn-in(s) for timesheets and direct deposit(s). Taking several weeks to be processed time within this period was given pay for our situation, and may not be obtained by all, depending urgency and means of provision and bill structure. Annette is presently attending Kaplan College and several times a day and night needing some type of assistance, certain periods of time pay was withheld (due hospitalization) when she broke her fibula's and needed extra care(s) extra pay was structured accordingly. She needs different assist like food drink help with filling paper printer, sending recieving fax and various other less time consuming aides. Often she'll try to help in a meal prep or aide herself to mostly condition her bathe water or shower and certain household chores which pretty much fall under my help. Providing all is comsuming and at times stressed with over sought things to do or tend to which often at times goes to not, and tried to be rushed at other times. Travel (gas allowance thru Logisticare is provided aswell) if patient is within thier guidelines aswell. Her trips to dialysis alone 3 x's weekly add up to a nice sum within a 12 week period before turning these logs. Taking a couple weeks to be processed the check can be used as bill or vehicle service(s) payments aswell gas fill-ups til next process. Many factors and general chores within periods often seem under paid but just to recieve the extra pay is worth going back on SSI (myself)(back condition-other ailment(s)

Sue write me at Drdave@sickpartner.com

Sue I am trying to help you but the web site is censoring everthing I am saying to you write me at drdave@sickpartner.com.  Dave

Sue,

You sound like a compassionate person and one who truly cares about your mother. I applaud you for trying to care for her alone. Just let me tell you that when she gets to a certain point, you will not be able to handle it alone. Well, who am I to say that. But one person is usually unable to do three shifts by one self and stay healthy and sane. This should be a time that you could enjoy your mother and circumstances prevent it.

One, I'd ask where your brother lives and if he could give you some time out? When mama comes to stay, it changes your world. Issues from the past can surface and become enlarged or one can work through the fact that mama probably will NOT change, but I can change my response to her. I may feel the anger, or rejection, but I can make a choice that I'll never win, so I need to get over it. When that happened with my mom (actually before she got Alzheimer's) life was so much better for me - I refused to get caught up on disagreements, etc.

You definitely need a full day out a week or two half days to do something "for yourself". If it is go to the library and read or a movie or whatever will make you feel that you've had a good day.

Remember - you love your mom. You are a good person. You may not be able to do everything she says, but you can be strong and do what you can. Then let her know that some things just aren't on the program. Stay strong and don't let anyone put "guilt-trips" on you whwen you do the best you can.

Y ou're going thru a hard time too because of losing your job. Maybe you could work at a hospital just part-time if they offer medical insurance if you need that.

I'm glad the crocheting is going well. That will be a great memory for you in years to come. Enjoy what time you have.You just need a safe group to vent a little occasionally. I think this is a safe place.

I'm in the same situation as you.  My husband, 64, has Progressive Supraneuclear Palsy.  Luckly I have had hospice since April, they come in every day and shower him.  They have supplied some of his meds and some equipment.. That alone has been a huge help.  Like you I am his sole caregiver.  Your are fortunate you can get her out and get some rest for yourself.  Don't forget we have to take care of ourselves because no one else will. 

I have found myself screaming because I'm so stressed.  Be creative, find ways to get out and do something for yourself.  Can your brother give you some time, I know mine has been a godsend.  There are weeks that I would not be able to get groceries because I had no one to stay with him.  If I need just a few things I can take him and leave him in the car or put him a wheelchair and have him hold the small basket.

I could go on and on, we share many of the same feelings and challenges.  It does help to know someone else is out there for me.

Sue D

HI Sue,

My mom will be 88 this Friday.  She, also, was very quick until 6 years ago when she broke her hip.  Even after that she didn't slow down too much.  She really slowed down ,however when she was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation.  Mom owned her own home.  After she became ill staying in her home alone was just too much.  I found her a nice apartment for the elderly.  They have get togethers at least once a month.  They watch after each other.     

I am 53. I work so I'm not with mom as much as I wish I could be.  I go in at least twice a  day on the weekends and days I am off work to check her blood pressure and heart rate and do anything else that is necessary.  She has a lady that comes in for 2 hours and half Monday through Friday to help her. She isn't able to go with me anymore to get her groceries.  The only places she goes is the doctors. It's hard but I wouldn' have it any other way.

Talking does help.  It is nice to be able to talk to people about it.  I have a boyfriend who doesn't understand.  We are going our separate ways.  I have a brother who lives 50 some odd miles away. He is there if I need him and he is definitely there anytime I need to talk.