You might want to check out these links.

Wander Alarm for the door:

 Tracking sevices

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I appreciate all the e-mails and support regarding my wandering mate.  I realize he would be safer in a nursing home but I really want to keep him with me as long as possible since I know he feels much safer with me.  And it is a terrific responsibility to be that person.  He wears an engraved chain around his neck with his name and phone number on it but I think the Safe Return Home program is also a must-do for us.  I have two friends who give me a break twice a week in the evenings.  I also have recently learned of a program where he can go for 4 hours a day once a week and I am on their waiting list--it has been functioning for 5 years so sounds like it's working.  I have deadbolts but the bells are an excellent idea also and will buy the next time I'm in Austin.  I have been thru dementia with both my Dad and then my husband's sister and figure I have been in training for this.  A friend just sent me the "Caregivers Bill of Rights" which almost made me cry since it's so right on. 

Again thanks for caring.

bigmammoo

My grandmother was with us for 3 years before she passed away last January.  Almost every day she made an attempt to run away.  Her goal was to reach my grandfather who had recently passed away.  It was so frustrating, and it was very dangerous.  At times I felt like I just didn't care anymore and wanted to just let her go wherever she ended up going, but I would usually go looking for her within a few minutes and often times I would find her afraid and confused but no longer combative and determined to go wherever she was going to get to my grandfather. 

Taking her shoes did help keep her from going.  We also took her purse, because to her she had something of value in that purse and it was valuable enough to her to get  her where she thought she was going.  She never tried to drive or take the keys, thank god, even though she had driven all of her adult life. 

She was incontinent and wore depends and I think she associated incontinence with a need to run away .  As I nurse I know that many many many people are incontinent because of a loss of elasticity in tissue that leads to a loss of spincter tone. I never made her feel ashamed of her incontinence, but  I think she was scarred and ashamed of it and wanted to run away from it even if she didn't think in those exact terms.

Setting limits leads to confrontation.  There is a lack of understanding.  Protecting them from themselves is all you can do.

Poco, you are so on the spot with your advice! I say ditto! The only thing I would add is that you need deadbots to keep him safe.  If you are asleep he can wake up and wander out the door. My father crawled out through a window in the middle of winter after a huge snowfall. He had no coat on, no boots or warm clothing. He got a block away from the house before we found him again. All of this happened after everyone was asleep! 

This is probably not somethng one person should attempt by themselves. If you end  up placing him in a nursing home, do not feel guilty.  Just be sure it is one equipped to handle dementia and alzheimer's. They are  much better equippd than you or I. PLUS everything is on a schedule and that is super for these poor souls. My father actually improved after he was placed in the nursing home. They don't like furniture re-arranged or any changes of any kind.

God bless you and remember if  you don't take care of his wife, you can't help him much either! Retired 

I'm sure you have addressed many of the issues you face with the help of a doctor and friends. What a blessing you have a community who will watch out for your husband or bring him home.

Just a couple of stories and then suggestions. When Mom first got "lost" it was just in a "Dollar General Store". My sister was there with her but looked away for a few minutes to shop and Mom wandered out and crossed the busiest street in Cleveland Tennessee. Thank God she was safe and walked up a big hill. Then att the grocery on the next corner, a man  (we never knew who) offered her a ride to her apartment and she did get dropped off safely. My sister was franticly looking for her everywhere and decided to just go home and call the police. When she arrived, Mom say, "Ha, I beat you home."

So that week I took Mom to Wal-Mart and had them engrave her name on a pretty bracelet. She loved it. That was just a small safety measure. I should have put my phone number on too.

One way Mom's brother-in-law handled mom "going home" was....he followed her outside - said, "Eva, I'm going to get the mail, would you like to come?"  She just fell in step with him. She immediately forget her mission and joined him in his. At times "re-direction" will work.

Chores may help as long as you know it probably won't be done as you would do it. Either separating change (put nickles here, pennies together, and/or stack dimes, etc.) Whatever they do with it is good.

Maybe a neighbor could take him for a walk each day.

There probably will  come a time that you'll need help. We didn't want to put Mother in a care facility, but eventually had to for her own safety. They have three shifts and we are only one person. If you can get help at home, it will help you keep your own sanity and health.

It broke my heart the last time mom tried to write a check. I later asked her if she trusted me (yes) would she like to have my name on her checks and allow me to pay her rent, etc. She was on S.S. so didn't have much money.

Trying to help them keep their dignity and still keep them safe is a hard juggling act and an emotional roller coaster.

I hope you have a day out sometime or go to see a movie to just have a laugh or some fun to get refreshed.

My own opinion of course, but a nursing home  should be the LAST resort.

If you can get occasional help around the house, it would help you a Lot.

I've put a bell on the exit doors...and the interior doors, just so you know where he is.

I haven't ready your entire letter. Now I have 2 to read in here, but I'm familiar with Alzheimers and everyone is different in behavior ..   Sundowning is pretty common, and at least you know what to look for in that regard.

I have to go back to work, but I would like to read more when I get back.

I'm a caregiver.

i found information on a program that the Alzheimer's Association sponsors called "Safe Return" for people who wander.  http://www.alz.org/safetycenter/we_can_help_safety_medicalert_safereturn.asp  You can enroll right online.

And here are the tips for reducing wandering. Another one i've heard of is to hide shoes.

Tips to reduce wandering

If you live with or care for a person with dementia, here are a few tips to help you reduce the risk of wandering:

• Move around and exercise to reduce anxiety agitation and restlessness
  
   
• Ensure all basic needs are met (toileting, nutrition, thirst)
  
   
• Carry out daily activities, such as folding laundry or preparing dinner to provide daily structure
  
   
• Reassure the person if he or he feels lost, abandoned or disoriented
  
   
• Avoid busy places that are confusing and can cause disorientation, such as shopping malls
  
   
• Place deadbolts either high or low on exterior doors
  
   
• Control access to car keys (a person with dementia may not just wander by foot)
  
   
• Do not leave someone with dementia unsupervised in new surroundings

My mother in law had alzheimer's and as the day wore on, she'd get more agitated, anxious, and insistent about going home, even though she WAS home, her home of 40+ years. Is he on something to calm him? Has his doctor tried haloperidol? That particular drug actually helped how clear her thinking was, too.

I'm sure there are other suggestions out there. There are alternatives to nursing home placement.

Jane

Misunderstanding--he does not drive and hasn't in several years--he walks.