I am sorry that it took me so long to catch up on my email!  It would be an interesting study if somebody would study how families react to loved ones who have passed away with cancer.  I have found that out also about my husband's family - he passed away in January.  I doubt if I ever will hear from any of them again.  Is it the disease or is it the signs of the time?  I do not know. 

I don't know if you remember the sitcom "Chico and the Man" (Jack Albertson, Freddie Prinze) that was on many years ago.  I remember laughing at how Jack Albertson would always talk to his deceased wife - and felt sorry for Chico to having to put up with Albertson.  Now, my way of thinking is completely reversed and I do understand what Jack Albertson was relaying to the audience about missing his wife and that he was "communicating" with her as best as he could.  My husband and I had 30 years together and I still miss him!  I feel that I am healing within now and that helps a great deal.  You have been through a lot don't worry about the others, please take care of yourself and you will also find strength from within.

Regards,

Pat

Thank You all for your kind words and your experiences with the loss of your loved one, this group has been a great deal of help to me and I appreciate everyones feedback. It helps he to understand that grieving is a normal process when you lose some one you love, and there is a big empty space in your life. I am seeking help with my depression and hopefully I will be able to function the way I used to. I will always miss my wife, she was a very loving and caring woman and everyone loved her. They say she is in a better place now and I hope I get to see her again when I get to that better place.

The hurt never goes away.  It is always with us, the pain just lessens a little.  There will alway be reminders and then it will come back but in a way we can deal with it.  It has been almost two years  since I lost my son and I can say that the hurt is still there, but not as painful.  I can and try to remember all the good things but the pain is still there.  It is how you deal with it that is most important.  Others can only voice there opinions.  They are trying to help but only you can do the heart work.

Sharon

I lost my husband of 22 years on August 13th.  I feel like a giant hole is in my chest when I think about him being gone.  Most times, I keep busy and I try to have fun with friends and family.  But, it's always there.  I do believe that he is always with me and that helps a little.  But, you're right, no one really knows what it's like until they've had to go through it themselves.  Don't blame them, they just don't know.  I don't know what direction my life will take either, but I'm looking for signs.  And, I'm not declining any invitations!  What this group will bring me, I don't know.  I wish you peace.

I am sorry to hear you have the extra burdon of unsympathetic relatives in addition to the lose of your wife. it is hard to envision relatives so heartless especially at this time. I lost my wife after fifty years of marriage. It has been just over a year for me now, July. And it has been said many times that the first year is the worst. I certainly hope that is true. And I believe it has been. It naturally was something that you don’t at the time think you can cope. I knew it was coming, but I was under the delusion that the man always goes first. But actually it may have been a God send that she did have a heart attack and not continue through the mid stages of Alzheimer’s to that cruel ending. But I still wasn’t ready when it happened. It was really a blow. After being married for fifty years and being happily devoted to each other, it was a powerful shock to me. Went through all the stages: missing things she/we used to do, not finding her when I reached, just not being there.

I don't understand why our families treat us so oddly. My Mom & Dad avoid talking about my husband.  I guess it's easier for THEM that way.  I want him acknowledged & kept alive by talkiing about him.

There was another posting saying she wishes she had told him more often how wonderful, brilliant, adored, smart & special he was.  I just starting thinking that too. Why didn't I adore him more? He & I knew we were deeply in love but I wish I had done more. Told him more.

I am at 6 months & still don't want to do anything.  I hate it when people start suggesting do this, do that.  Some days I am just so tired. How do we go on when everything we thought we had (love, affection, a future) is gone?  Kim

I also lost my husband of 15 years of lung cancer 5 months ago. It was a long process watching him go downhill or at least it seemed like it. I took care of him and enjoyed doing my part. When he passed I felt I lost my job. Suddenly I wasn't getting up to get his meds and making him breakfast. There was no one to care for and I started to feel useless. I just recently realized he won't be back and accepted the fact that I have been in denial. People sometimes think that you want to be alone and don't want to bother you and you are right, they don't understand. I could go on forever talking about him but no one wants to listen. If the pain does go away it is only temporily. I have joined a group with hospice and a singles group with my church but this group here has been the best help for me. I along with many others hear you and feel your pain. We are with you.  Nickie 

One more thing that has helped me enormously cope with the agony of losing my husband:   I have gotten very involved in doing all I can to encourage research in to the causes and treatment of the rare lymphoma that killed Bob.   This makes me feel that perhaps someday other people won't have to go through all this.....and I feel I am doing it for him....Gretchen