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I posted this in another forum, but I was told this forum would be better
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lover454 said:
on September 24, 2008 10:22 PM ET
edited on February 4, 2009 10:04 AM ET
Ok the clothes that I buy at the 99 cent store are really beautiful. I only buy the ones in good shape. And every blouse, sweater, and blazer I wear strangers, friends tell they are gorgeous Any way today my mom (who is in her early 80’s) and me (in my early 50’s) stopped at the 99 cent store. I really did not like any thing I saw there. But I held up one blouse to inspect it. Mom: “Yuck” Me: “I did not like the blouse, but I have a feeling if you came with me to the store you would have found fault with what I purchased” Mom: “Well the sleeves reminded me of what an elderly person would wear” (My mom said this with such hostility) Me: “I don’t think so, but you would have found fault with what I have in my closet” Mom: “I would never tell you what I think once you are wearing it, but I am allowed to tell you if I don’t like something” Me: “Not the way you say it. I don’t care if you don’t like something, but you act like if you don’t like it then there is something wrong with it” Any way we had a big fight. My question: (1) Did I read into her original comment when she said Yuck; (2) How would you have handled the situation if your mom did not like what you were thinking of purchasing whether you liked it or not? (3) And if you really liked it how do you just buy and not care what your mom (or anyone else) thinks? |
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In reading your conversation, i was immediately reminded of a book by Deborah Tannen called "You're wearing THAT? Understanding conversations between mothers and daughters." Here's the write up from amazon.com: Tannen, whose pioneering work in communication has helped us understand a lot of arguments, now turns her clarifying eye on the communication between mothers and daughters. As in much of her work, Tannen draws heavily on anecdotes, aiming less to present solutions and more to promote understanding as her insights illuminate old patterns and unveil the emotions behind them. Tannen's is an easy voice to listen to; despite being an academic, she sounds warm, wise, and down-to-earth. She also doesn't hurry, and she sounds compassionate--a motherly figure in her own right--while revealing how our relationships with our mothers and daughters affect our communications with the rest of the world.
I'm not suggesting you read this, but i am reassured that a book such as this exists because i surely had fight after fight with my own mother along these lines. She's now passed on, but the arguments are still vivid.
To answer your questions: 1. you took issue with the yuck, even though you agreed with her. 2. i'd say hey Mom, will go over to the birthday cards section and pick out something for Susan? (distraction helps all ages get off a negative track.) 3. I'd just buy it and enjoy wearing it hoping that SOMEONE out there shared my taste. If everyone universally hated it, though, i'd probably put it in the goodwill pile.
hope this is helpful. Does sound like one fight among a number of them... I can relate...
Jane,
who has a teenage daughter who's favorite word is "MUH ther" said with complete exasperation
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