Can you give examples of what she says or does that is "mean" or "upsetting?" 

  Good things happen a little at a time.  Mom has been unhappy w/her PCP physician and we changed to a geriatric specialist.  Because he is located in a town about 25 miles away from where she lives, the assisted living facility where she lives won't transport her.  So I do!  She's gone twice now and both times we got all my kids together and went out to eat after her appointment.  She's been pleasant and easy to be around....and I think it has helped tremendously.

Judy

           Judy, I am glad you are doing good. I think I really needed this month off to get everything into perspective.When I got thrown into the situation so fast my head was spining,now I have time to read and understand it a little better.she still upsets me,but I try to see how it must be for her traped in her tormented mind. Like you said there will be some good memories to block out the bad when they are gone.I have one, I gave her a foot bath in one of those electric tubs and I used baby shampoo so when I plugged it in we had some huge bubbles and we really had a good laugh that day, I will always remember her smile.I pray GOD will get us all thru this in one piece. talk to you again. susan

           Judy, I am glad you are doing good. I think I really needed this month off to get everything into perspective.When I got thrown into the situation so fast my head was spining,now I have time to read and understand it a little better.she still upsets me,but I try to see how it must be for her traped in her tormented mind. Like you said there will be some good memories to block out the bad when they are gone.I have one, I gave her a foot bath in one of those electric tubs and I used baby shampoo so when I plugged it in we had some huge bubbles and we really had a good laugh that day, I will always remember her smile.I pray GOD will get us all thru this in one piece. talk to you again. susan

 Having someone new around will be good for your mother in law.  It may actually perk her up.   My mom seems to direct her frustrations and anger at me, and very happy w/others like the caregivers at the assisted living facility where she lives.  I know that she is happy some of the time at least.  We all want our loved ones to be happy and safe and I'm sure that God knows we do our best.  It is exhausting and time consuming, but probably none of us would have it any other way. 

We changed Mom's primary care to a geriatric specialist in Springfield (MO).  Because he is 45 miles away, I have taken a day off or leave from work early to take her.  He is so much better than her first PCP who probably only saw her once or twice and had his PA see her the rest of the time.  The geriatric doc sees her EVERYTIME she goes in and understands the importance of making eye contact w/his patients and speaking loud and slowly enough for them to understand.  All her other docs talk to me...as if she wasn't even in the room.  The other good thing is that it gives us time to be together alone.  We go to dinner or I take her to see my kids....now she is still leaving ugly accusatory messages for me, but hopefully some day the memories of the good times we spent going to the doc will far outweigh the awful ones!

JudyM

P.S.  I was talking to the RN where Mom lives today and during the course of the conversation she said that Mom has accused them of stealing her medications before.  Looks like I'm in good company now!   lol

      Hi judy, thanks for thinking of me, Things are a little better right now,I have hired another girl to take my place until sept. she wasn't very happy but I know the girls and they are very good to her.I told her I needed to get away before school starts back up and I have to go see my 86 year old mother!! my future lookslike old people everywere. unless I go first. Alot of our friends are now dying at 56 and60. One day at a time. Your words helped alot and I let alot of what she says roll off me now,I just tell her what I do is because i love her and want her safe, that makes her good for a few days. I also found a very good book that has helped my husband handle her also. thanks again How are things going in your derection? I hope you are well, I pray God knows we do our best. bye susan

Zoeydoll,  I was reading some of the posts from the caregiving group.  I came acrossed yours and wanted to drop you a line to see how you are doing and let you know I'm thinking about you!  Have you been able to "practice what we've all preached" to you?  lol  Has any of it helped?

Judy

Thankyou again judy for responding. I will get the book this week. I have hired a friend to take a couple of days for me so i hope it works out,I told my mother-in -law I love her but I cannot do it all bymyself so she needs to try to like the lady,I hope she doesn't tell my friend a bunch of lies about me, I will have to explain dementia  to her the little that I have learned.I will have to just keep dreamming that I will someday have some fun,after raising 4 boys and still my husband now his mother I really just want my own life even if that sounds selfish. I hope things get better for you also. sue