Hi,

Remember that each treatment will be different. The next one may be a piece of cake. I heard Martina Navratilova speak at the AARP convention. One of the things she said sticks in my head.....she said, "I have never seen the ball come over the net the same way twice."

Rest up then go get that doggie who will give you sooo much love.

love,hope,peace,faith, courage

tiara

well tiara..........i just got home from spending 5 days in the hospital.........the chemo finally did take a toll on me.all the pain i was having was due to a yeast infection in throat,esophogus and my white count bottomed out as expected and my platelets dropped in half.............needless to say my dr was sort of pleased as it indicated chemo was doing the job ...........lol i was not happy tho...........the breast inflammation very much decreased and he was pleased with that too..........right now i feel great,have loads of energy and eating well......i kept my dog in the kennel and hope to get a good nights sleep and get much needed work done here while i can before i go get him........i took this as a learning experience as i now may know what to expect after the next treatment and can get help before i get this bad again.......my poor father knows i am not feeling well but he doesn't  know why just yet.he is 90 and with dementia would not understand anyways...you are in my thoughts too.

I grew up watching Ozzie and Harriet and Father Knows Best. Such a shock to find out real life is not like that. I have a mother and sister who do not know about my cancer experience. I knew as a kid my family was not like tv. Guess I thought that would change. Not.

I like the word 'self-full'.  It is taking caring of one's self. It is different from 'self-ish'. I need to be self ful right now.

Brother is a social worker, or should I say was. He was fired. He knows what buttons to push. He, himself, needs some help. It is not that I want to be around him, it is just that I hope neither of us dies without some type of resolution.

I pledge that I shall stay in the moment to the best of my ability.

Enough about me. I hope that you are not having a lot of side affects from your treatments. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.

love,hope,peace,faith,courage

tiara

 being upfront and honest is the only way to go.you did the right thing in confronting your brother so you should not be blaming yourself for anything.getting short term therapy might help you but maybe your brother needs it too.............can you suggest he get help?.........if he refuses,you do what you need to help you stay in the moment and don't worry about him..............get yourself taken care of...i myself have sort of shut out some of my family members over my present illness.they don't bother with me so i have not told them what i am going through.........the problem is they don't do their share helping out with my dad's care in his dementia.my sister and i can't do it all.now for sure my sister can't do it all and it's not fair.........so.should i be upfront too?.......i don't want my family doing for me out of pity........so i will not say anything for now..........i live in a small town and sooner ot later they will hear about it........my brother did not tell me his wife had cancer years ago...i found out through the grapevine..........i never had any children but he had 3 girls and i had them at my house all the time........today they are grown adults with their own kids and only one knows i am alive.............she keeps in touch occcassionaly.so i guess we both struggle to stay in the moment.............

There is no sunshine here in upstate NY right now. My profile picture was taken in FL. I was in Vegas a few days ago for the AARP convention. It was about 80 and sunny there every day. The sunshine makes such a difference. I have been back home for 3 days now and am still so very tired. I was very active out there and then there is the time zone difference. Yes, there is such a difference between being the patient or not. In most situations we can intellectualize, but actually having the experience is so very different.

Right now, I am in good health other than my weight. The CA-125 tests always bring on some anxiety. My dilema right now is a conflict with my brother. I have given him a free pass for his disrespect and emotional abuse for years, especially during his cancer treatments. But, the 'last straw' came a few weeks ago and I confronted him. He has now shut down communication. So, here I sit blaming myself. Maybe I could have handled it a different way, etc. I have a call in for some short term therapy so that I can work this through. Until then my struggle is to stay in the moment.

love, hope,peace,faith,courage

tiara

well through trial and error i will do my best.now i hope you do better and let the sunsine do the rest.............boy how i wish i lived down south............it is so gloomy here.....and cold already............but i can't dwell on the negative.we both have to think positive and do our best.i wish you the strength to endure what is your test in life and come out a winner.everyday is a learning experience........i hope to learn enough so someday i can help others through this.i worked with cancer patients for 27 years but being there is soooo different.so as you say....

peace,love,courage,hope,faith......................let God guide us.

Your chemo dept. is very supportive, as is your sister. Good idea to have doggie go on vacation for a while. You need to take care of just you for now. And just think, when he gets back from his vacation he will have lots of love to share with you.

peace,love,courage,hope,faith

tiara

well yesterday i started with sinus problems working on my asthma..........thought it was the chemo but now i think it was an allergic response to my sisters dog when they both stayed overnight monday per drs request..............i was up all night  with a severe dry throat....that was constantly gagging me i had to keep sipping on fluids.........partly was the dog and part of it was side effect from compazine i was told to take that evening as i called my pharmacist ..........today i just feel plain crappy and tired which is to be expected.my chemo department calls peridocally to see how i am doing which i think is great and they leave a cell number i can call anytime if i need help.in a few hours my dog is spending a lil vacation in the kennel.......i will be free to sleep as needed and not have to neglect my baby.................she will be in the kennel with my sisters dog so he will be ok.............joan