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DeliveranceMinister said:
on October 4, 2009 11:18 PM ET
I was married 11 years before I divorced my ex-husband. He verbally mistreated me most of our marriage. I know that He did love me though. I was free to spend the money. The day I left He fell to the floor crying telling me not to go. But i left because I could not take his verbal abuse anymore. I think now maybe I should have stayed and maybe he would have changed. I didn't realize that because of the bad treatment during the 11 years. His new wife spent a lot of $$$ during their marrage. something I never did. She is so bad that I hear she hates me and doesn't even know me. She maxed out my ex's credit cards. He recently lost his job. After I heard he lost his job I felt that maybe I should have stayed.
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You have without a doubt done the right thing. I was married for 35 years to a verbally and emotionally abusive person (verbal and emotional abuse go hand and hand). You could not have saved him from anything. That would be rescuing him and that is not your job in life.
I went to Domestic Violence, when someone suggested I call them for advice. At first I didn't think I belonged there; but as soon as I started talking, they encouraged me to come in. That was a life saver...I have never since thought I made a wrong decision. My ex's life was always out of control and it wouldn't have changed if I stayed, it just would have been out of control in some other way than it is now. Remember, the stripes on a zebra do not change. You take care of yourself and don't look back....just look forward.
Why do you feel guilty about him losing his job? Maybe he would of or maybe he wouldn't of changed.
I was married 33 years when my husband left but I made the mistake of getting a divorce. We all go through should of and could of. My lawyers sucked cause they made me feel hatred towards my husband when I feel he just wanted to live alone. He kept me in my lifestyle that I was use to and because of my pride, I ruined it by getting a divorce.
We all go through what we could of done, but what's done is done. Now if I can only forgive myself, I'd probably wouldn't be so angry.