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My mother-in-law was a victim of the cruel sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse perpetrated by 6 to 8 people working at Good Samaritan Society, Albert Lea, MN.

I have been reading, reading, and reading……the newspaper stories, and all the comments that go with it.  One of the many comments I saw repeated often, was, “where are the families of the victims”.   I can tell you, we have been, and are here.  But this is not something that you jump out and declare.  Here then, is where this member, of this family is.

Firstly, we didn’t come forward and “declare war”, because we have had a long and difficult road to travel, just to process all of this.   In our situation, we were not truly aware of what had happened until we were given access to the interviews, which were online. 

Can you imagine how it would feel to read 15 pages of account after account of what was done to 15 residents…..one of them being YOUR loved one.  I must have read that report 3 times before I could sat back in my chair, and realized that I had been crying ever since the end of the first reading.  It’s impossible to describe the devastation and disbelief.  Reading the horrific things that had been done to my loved one and 14 others.  How could this be??  How could any human being inflict these things on another?  How could they deliberately choose sick, vulnerable people who could not speak for themselves?  I truly did not, and do not understand how ANY one could inflict this on any other human being. 

I went to Good Samaritan, where I talked with some of the administration.  They were very kind.  They talked with me, cried with me, and tried to reassure me. 

As a family, we tried to let it go.  We tried to believe that the Justice System would do its job.  They would charge, prosecute, and punish those who had so maliciously hurt our loved one.  I had cried buckets, cursed the events, and vented my anger.  I didn’t think I could be angry anymore. 

I made phone calls to the CountyAttorney’s office, but I didn’t get much help there.  I was told first, that things had to be looked at.  Then I was told that all the “ducks needed to be in a row” before charges could be made.  Then I was told that this would be a difficult case to try, since none of the victims could speak for themselves.  We were not kept abreast of things, but still, we chose to believe that our Justice System was working for our loved ones.

One day, my daughter who does not live in this area, text messaged me, and said, “Good Sam made the big time.  Turn on Today.”  By the time I received the message and turned the TV on, the segment was over.  I went to my computer, and found it online.  I listened to the broadcast, and then I read the written article.  I was devastated to see what the CountyAttorney had charged only 2 young women with, and what he thought their ultimate “punishment” would be.  The tears flooded down my cheeks.  How could this be?  What had happened to the promise of taking care of our elderly?  What happened to the charges?  Fifth degree misdemeanors.  It was my opinion that there was no point in even bringing charges.  I knew 13 year olds that had been charged with more then that for getting in a school yard fight.

Now I began to think.  I went back in my mind.  Thinking about all the things that had transpired this last year.  The fact that our loved one had been telling EVERYONE something was wrong, and we all missed it!  We simply attributed it to the Sundowners Syndrome, and the degeneration of the Alzheimer ’s disease.  The screaming, and yelling, and hitting.  How could we have missed it?  How could we have not seen it? 

Not only had our loved one been put through all this by the perpetrators, but then WE, as a concerned family kept trying to figure out what was wrong with our loved one.  We sent our loved one to a behavioral modification hospital in St Paul, believing that it was the Sundowners, or the Alzheimer’s that needed to be re-evaluated.  We blamed our loved one for acting out.  We blamed the medications.  We blamed the Alzheimer’s.  We never for a moment thought that we needed to be blaming another human being. 

Looking back, we wonder about other things that happened.  How much of it was due to our loved ones disease and how much to the abuse or neglect?

I recall going to see our loved one in St Paul with the rest of the family.  We couldn’t believe the change.  Talking, laughing, and awake.  No more hitting, screaming and yelling.  What an enormous difference.  Aren’t those new meds wonderful?

Then came the self recriminations.  Was I stupid?  Was I that blind?  Why didn’t I get it?  It’s not like we haven’t been given guidelines about abuse.  How could I have let this happen to my loved one!  I am so ashamed.  I should have seen it.  My God, Forgive me for not seeing it.  Again, the tears flow.  Will this sick feeling in my gut ever stop?  Will I ever feel like not crying again?

Then came the anger…..The horrendous, unbelievably exhausting, and beyond words, anger.  Someone asked me how I felt about it all.  I thought, and thought.  I finally said, “I can’t find an intelligent word.  I can’t find a BIG enough word.  I cannot find, in the English language, a word, or group of words that describes how awful this is.  To say I am devastated, is only a minute portion of how unbelievable this all is.  To say I am livid, does not even BEGIN to express my anger.   To say I am heart-broken, barely touches the sadness I feel.

So, now what?  I wrote an email.  I read it and re-read it.  I contemplated.  I looked at it, as if by magic it would either erase or send itself.  For 2 hours, I considered.  Shall I send it?  If I send it, I am taking a step down a road, and I have no idea where that road will take me.  Up until now, I had no idea where to get help, but this day…..this day, there was someone out there that I could write to.  If they didn’t listen, so be it.  At least I had written and asked for help.  One thing I knew.  I HAD to do something.  I hit Send.  I was scared.  I don’t want to be the face on the front page, nor the face on TV.  I just wanted help to change what was happening.  When I received a phone call that said, “I’m here to help.  My staff is here to help.  The MANY professional people in the country are here to help”.  I knew I made the right decision.  I’m still scared.  But the nagging feeling in my heart is at long last silent. 

What do I want to see happen?  I want to see to it that this can’t happen to my loved ones again.  I want to ensure that this cannot happen to YOUR loved one.  I want to ensure that this can’t happen to ME, when it’s my turn to go into a care facility.

If we need new laws, then let’s see to it they are put out there and passed.  If we have laws now, but aren’t enforced……then let’s get them enforced.  There has to be zero tolerance. 

Sexual assault is not just a male crime.  I believe that when a female commits the same heinous crime, that she too, must register as a sexual predator. 

I believe that saying “I was only 17” is not an excuse for such horrendous behavior.  Our state allows that a child of the age of 14 may be tried as an adult.  If being only 17 is excuse enough for hurting others and not paying the consequences, then they should not be allowed to work in a care environment.   

Peer pressure is NOT an acceptable excuse for such behavior.  The first thing we teach our children is to “be nice” to others.  To not hurt others.  Children at the age of 3 and 4, are taught the difference between right and wrong.  How can your conscience allow you to sit a lunch and giggle about the pain, humiliation and torture that your friends have just inflicted on someone? 

To say, “I didn’t participate, I just knew about it” is not acceptable.  If you knew about it…..if you laughed about it……if you did NOTHING about it……then you were in on it.  You absolutely cannot close your eyes to a crime of this nature.  When you hired on to this job, you were told, “You are a mandated reporter.  If you see anything that is not right or makes you uncomfortable, you report it.  IMMEDIATELY.  If you do not report a wrong-doing, you are in as much trouble as if you had committed that wrong-doing yourself.”

My final thoughts:  

I am not a vengeful person.  I rarely get into conflict.  I don’t fight.  I don’t even argue.  But this I know.  There HAS to be consequences for the sexual abuse, the mental torture, and the complete disregard of the loved ones that I have placed in their care.  I trusted these 6 to 8 women.  I trusted them with 2 of the most important people in my life.  I trusted them to give them the absolute best care they could possibly give.  I trusted them to care for them as they would their own parents.  I TRUSTED them!  

And now, I trust, that there WILL be changes.  I trust that wherever this road takes me, that I am working to help others so that they may not have to go through what we have gone through.  I trust that our community will come together and work together to right this horrible injustice to our loved ones.  I trust God will show us the way.

Thank you to all those who have said prayers, kept all the victims and their families – be they blood or extended families – in your thoughts, and for kind words.