I have been busy with a lot of things the last 5 months I did  some spring cleaning both on my computer and my home and things are getting depressing.The last year has been very hard on me. first I had a small stroke and then my dog taken away then I'm sent to jail and then a warent for my arrest had been put out on me and I was never notified.

Then I get in a car accident that about did me in. I got out just in time for the holladays and then my hife has a small stroke and can't work at her job so now all we had was what I got on my disability and our tax return.

By the end of march we where in the hole and my wife has to go back to work no mater what and then I get word that my mother has just had another stroke and we stayed at my dads house for three weeks when my mother passed away on easter.

My sister needs me to stay with my dad the first week of every month so that she can take care of bills and rentles.

the first of june on my 300 mile home I get pulled over because someone took a tag off my license plat. Thats when I found out about the warrent on me. 

being on meds and needing to take them every day I was refused them for 3 days I was so out of it I didn't know which was was up finally my wife got me transfured to another jail and she posted bail and got me a lawyer and now I find that they want me to except some feneles from a bunch of lies so instead of plee bargin I'm going to have court. and I find out that the officer that took me to jail hit me with a ticket he called it impeding trafic when there is all these orange barrles off to the side of the road which means that their working on the road and 55 is the speed limit and thats what I was going. so now I have to fight that as well and I have no money to pay the ticket.

I have borrowed all I can because my wife has to pay for all her doctor bills from her stroke plus pay for her ins so that she can still see the doctors and get meds.

Sometimes I wish I would get in a car accident and I wouldn't come out of it. That way my wife would get enough money to live on till she dies.

But Thats not me I am a fighter if I have to I'll get the news team in and put my story in the paper and TV.and then I'll go after the animal shelter and sue them for all kinds of money.

I'm not a vengeful person but I sure wish I can even things up.

Dee

Today was a bad day for me. For the last week and a half I have been down takeing care of my dad. Two days ago looking through my mothers things I found some letters that bothered me. So I asked my sister if she knew anything about it and she unloaded some bad secrets about my dad.

It turns out that I should have had either a half brother or sister. But my dad paid to have an abortion. Then I found that he has molested over a dozen young girls in his life time. and has raped my one neice several times. 

Then I found out that he had had several relaytion ships with other women. And all this time he was saying he loved my mother.

I confronted him about these things and he said no he never did any of them. And then he said I don't remember a lot of things.

I told him that I was able to talk to several of the girls that he had molested and was told by them things that he did and it was almost the same in all cases except for where it was done.

He loooked at me and said he couldn't have done it they where young girls and thats wrong.

Then he said he had aranged for someone to stay and take care of him. It turned out that he had molisted her older sister. I told him that if she stayed to take care of him I was going to tell her all the things he had done. And if she still wanted to stay after that then we wouldn't be responsable.

He has had 4 strokes sense January. The doctors all have told him not to drive but he would pull out a spare set of keys if he wanted to go somewhere. I finally got all of his spair keys and gave them to my sister who lives in the same town.

Dad knew he didn't want me to talk to the girl that was going to take care of him so he picked a fight with me. He wanted to go to town and get a hamberger. He knew that I had to stay there because I was waiting for someone to install a dish for the TV. I told him that I will take him after the guy comes and that I would fix him something to hold him over. He said give me the car keys and I go my self.

I told him you know I can't do that because if he got in an accident I could be held responsable for it and loose everything I have. He didn't care and told me that it was time for me to go home. Dad always said he was better than everyone at anything. I told him that he wasn't and that he better get use to it. Hes 86 years old.

Then he started yelling at me and then he started swaring at me. After all those years he used me and told me that he always had to redo everything I had done. I let him have it with both barrels and told him the reason people came to visit was to see mom. we learned a while ago that he would promis things and when you traveled between 600-800 miles and then he says I didn't say that I never let him do it again. and if I went I always did the work and never asked for a penny even though he had money. When any of us kids fell on a hard time he would never help. I told him the only thing he ever cared about was himself and that if he ever gave someone anything he would always tell you I need help with this or that and if you told him that you couldn't help that day but would set things up to help him in a couple of days he would always bring up the things he gave you.

He tried to hit me with several guilt trips and that wasn't going to work because I was tired of all his lies and broken promises.

He finally told me that go ahead and take the keys he had some spairs. But when he couldn't find them he would come back and and demand his keys again and I would tell him NO.

One time he tried to par my way from going into the house to get the rest ome my things but I just grabbed his upper arms and moved him to the side very gentel and walked in.

As I was getting the last of my things he said get out of here and never come back. So I went to my sisters and gave her the keys. she also has the other two sets of keys as well. When I told her all this she called my dad and really chewed him out but all he wanted was his keys. My sister told him that she had a set of his keys. He told her that at least he could get a coppy made from the one set. My sister said you can drive around the farm but you can't drive on the road. He promised he wouldn't so she went out and gave him the one set and as soon as she left he took off into town. so my sister said you promised you wouldn't go into town so give me the keys. He said No I won't let anyone have these keys.

My sister went straight to DMV and told them of the problem and had his license voided then she went back to tell him that he no longer had a valid license and if he got caught they would impound his car. and that they would not release it to him. He said I'm cutting you all out of my will you will get nothing and told her to leave and never come back.

My sister has his power of aterney for everything and she called me up and said I can't deal with him and so we decided that maybe a nurseing home is where he belongs. I agreed.

That was 3 days ago and he has called me everyday trying to tell me he is sorry and for me to come back. My wife has told him that I wasn't there that he would have to call back.

I have gotten 28 phone calls from him. But right now I just don't want to talk to him because I know what he's going to say and I don't want to hear it. My sister was told by his doctor that when people start getting this bad its time to put him in a home. 

We all tried to set it up so dad would die at home but it won't happen now. We have all talke to people for advice and all have given us the same answer.

Today is not a special day for me right now.

This morning about 7 AM my mother passed away. We where able to say good-by and Saturday my father released her from this world telling her it was ok to go.

I will be telling about her life and what she meant to us. So I won’t be back on the net till Saturday

Dee

My wife and I always get an early jump on Valentines Day because we where married on February 10 over 35 years ago and it has been the best 35 years in my life. at least I can say I have been married more years than not. Marriage is a time for change for both the man and woman, not just one or the other. The most important thing you learn is the word no. There are so many ways it can be said to what "no" really means.

But for now I will just be happy that there is still someone to tell me "NO"

Dee

I know when I was a kid I couldn't wait for the school bell to ring so that I could go out and play. As a teen it was all about girls and having fun and cars. When I went on my Mission I wondered did I have the strength to finish my calling or would I go home before my time. when I was in Basic Training in the Army I had a ruff time keeping up with the rest in my squad and when things where at there worst I would say to my self to night I will look at this moment and ponder how I got through it.

When I got married I thought I douldn't be much happier than I was and when my wife told me that we where going to have a child I felt like Super Man and that nothing could hurt me.

After the baby was born I thought that I have a family and thats what its all about. 5 1/2 months later my whole world came crashing down we lost our first child and it flattened me. Doctors couldn't help even with their meds. but with the help of friends and my wife I was able to get through it and then my wife told me we where going to have another child. I was about half way to heaven but this time I wanted to hold off from getting crushed again. when the child was born my spirit sored but about 9 months later we just about lost our second child but because I was there I was able to unplug her air way. the doctor said I was a hero but I didn't feel like one but I was happy that we where still a family. Then when my wife told me we where going to have another child I really felt like a father a husband and the patriarch of our family. 

But that was short lived 2 months later we lost our new member of the family. And then my grandmother died 2 months after that and it was her that tough me how to love, help others, and except life. Also to have fun. It seemed that death was all around me and I was thinking that didn't need any more pain.

but shortly after my wife told me we where going to have another child. This time we had to be sure things where going to be alright.

Oh how that time went fast. Our two girls started school and then Jr. high music lessons the High School and band trips and boyfriends. Then it was weddings. I turned around to see what happened to all that time but all I have are pictures and memories.

Now I'm going through another stage. I was almost killed in a car accident. my wifes mother doesn't have much longer the doctors gave her 2 months and that was 5 months ago. Now my wife has had a stroke and my dad has fallen flat on his face and broke s few bones in his face and a big concushion. I'm not sure which way to go. I think I am going to have to give up one of my dreams with the Used Medical Aids Foundation and take care of my family. I wish I had someone to pass all my knowledge to becase I feel like I'm a waist of time here on earth anymore.

But I will wait and do what I can to help others the best I can. 

It really hurts me to see so many people struggling this time of year. Thats all I hear on the radio, TV, and news paper. how so many people won't have any kind of a christmas. they are looking for toys, but not just any toy it has to be a certin one. and the dinner has to have a big Turkey or Ham with all the trimmings. Thats what they clam Christmas is.

I was watching a rerun of little house and each girl got a candy cane and maybe a toy. And dinner was what ever they had.

I remember my grandfather telling me about how christmas was when he was young. it was a simple time and a hard time and people did what they could. my grandfather also told me that his father would invite another family that was poorer then they where for a christmas dinner. they mostly had deer meat but it was food. but the biggest thing was that they sang songs and had hot drinks and my grandfather had always knelt down before dinner was served to thank the lord for giving them so much but most of all for the friendship and love for everone. My grandfather was good with his knife and would wittle things out of wood as presents for others. My grandfather told me people would always say they where the richest family but not in money. they had time to think what christmas really was.

I think that this maybe a year that should turned back to that time, a simple time, a good time, but most of all a thankful time.

Dee 

I will be out of touch for a little while I have had quite a lot of things going on. For those who don't know me I started a project about a year ago ( Used Medical Aids Foundation ) I just got several truck loads of wheelchairs walkers scooters from a county hospital and have 2 truck loads from another hospital to get. I go threw the items and fix them up as close to new as I can then I post them in other groups that I belong to. There is no money involved no donation required only the need. I have several letters from people in my area that need something so I am trying to get as many ready as i can. I am getting help from the Boy Scouts in my area because I'm still not up to par yet but I can turn a wrench. so if I don't respond to the wonderful stories, poems, jokes, or pictures its because this santa is really busy right now.

Dennis

The Present

By Dee 

Christmas is a wonderful time of year walking along the store fronts lingering at the bakery shop with the fresh smell of goodies. Watching people go in and out of shops, with arm loads of packages. Hearing a bell ring at in front of a toy shop is reminding us, that there are others that need help.

 As you drive home you stop at a park where the kids are going as fast as they can down the hill on their sleds. There are no barriers between kids, no black, white, red, or yellow they just want to have fun. A little girl falls down and a woman picks her up and brushes the snow off and then gives her a hug.

Then Rose wakes up and realized it was a dream, remembers this last summer her husband and three kids, 2 girls and 1 boy won’t be sharing Christmas together anymore. Coming down out of the canyon her husband lost control of the car and went over the side. All Rose has now are pictures of times past that they shared together.

Rose goes out to get her mail the wind is bitterly cold and it looks like snow will soon come. As she gets to her front door a neighbor waves to her and says Marry Christmas. She waves back but says nothing. Looking at the mail that came that day reminds her of her lost family once again. She looks up into the mirror of the bathroom and sees a tear running down her cheek.

Why am I doing this still, it’s been 5 months and I need to get on with my life she says to herself. But a small voice says to her, “Mommy I love you”.

Her heart is aching and she can here herself saying I love you to. Then the tears start to flow and the tissue box is empty, so she uses the paper on the roll to dry her eyes.

Just then the phone rings and the man on the phone say’s “I am trying to raise money for those children that won’t have a Christmas”. Rose cuts him off by hanging up the phone.

As she goes to the bedroom and lies down on the bed to cry her eyes out like she has done so many in the last 5 months. She is saying to herself I’m not strong, I can’t take it anymore I don’t want to live. Again she hears another voice say “watch what I can do mommy”.

By the December 23^rd Rose is loosing her will to live and is trying to think of the best way to end the pain and suffering. But nighttime has come and she takes a pill to help her sleep.

In the morning she goes to the drugstore to pick up her medicine for depression and for sleeping. As she drives home she sees some girls in front of a store selling cookies. Again she hears a voice that says “Mmmmmm mommy they taste so good can I have another one”.

At home she says to her self NO! NO MORE! And then she sees the medicine that she just bought and says that’s how I will do it. When I go to bed tonight I will take all my meds and never wake up.

That night was the 24^th of December the worse night of the year to her remembering how the kids would try and sneak in to the living room to see what Santa had brought. Her eyes are red and her mind is filled with the missing images of Christmas in her home. She sits down to watch some TV but is started feeling sleepy so she lay down on the couch and closed her eyes.

The headline in the morning announces, “ANOTHER TRAGATY HAS HIT A HOME IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS”.

Rose could hear something then she heard it again but she had a hard time understanding what it was she heard. It came again but this time she heard mommy?

Rose opened her eyes and there in front of her was a little girl and beside her was another little girl with a little boy beside her. And standing behind them was a man holding out his hand. As she touches it, all of her thoughts comes to her. It’s her family she hugs them and kisses them. And starts to cry and says, how can this be. It’s another dream you are not real I have to wake up.

Her one little girl says, no mommy it’s not a dream we are here with you.

Headlines on the local news, “ANOTHER TRAGATY HAS HIT A HOME IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS”. A local woman dies in her sleep it seems that she had a faulty water heater and the pilot light went out but the gas didn’t stop.

Rose looked at her husband and said you mean I didn’t take all those pills like I was planning?

Her husband said no I was watching over you this whole time and it hurt me so to see you in such pain. I went to plead to help you and was told that I didn’t need to you where coming tonight to be with us forever.

Just then she heard singing it was the most beautiful song she had ever heard. And then there was a bright light, brighter than any she had ever seen before.

CHRISTMAS

Now that Thanksgiving and Black Friday are over with and you have plenty of leftovers what else could you need.

Christmas is just a few weeks away and if you where smart you would have all your Christmas shopping all done.

My self I have a hard time sleeping because so many people have fallen on hard times. There is a family down the street that is just at the end of their rope and its 300 feet to the bottom.

Every year my wife and I look for just a family. To no fault of their own he has lost his job the first of the month and his wife is expecting their 4^th child. He is working part time just to put food on the table. His wife does a lot of craft things and has helped in cub scouts and as a room mother for her oldest child who is in 2^nd grade. But this year she has not been able to do much because the doctor told her that she should have waited another year to have another child. She has to be on bed rest till the middle of Feb.

My wife and I choose to do sub for Santa to a family just like this and we have gotten a few things for the family. I received a e-mail from someone that I helped this summer with a wheelchair. In the e-mail it said we know that you will not take money for your foundation. And we also know that your wife has been working to pay bills and help taking care of her mother. Tomorrow a truck will come to with presents for a family that you feel needs some help with Christmas. Along with an envelope with a check for $1,000.00 the payee will be blank. Plus there will be a special card that will have $200.00 on it for gas.

I couldn’t believe it I know this family could use it and more but the biggest thing was that there was a job for either the father or mother working as a janitor at a place that is really good to the employs.

They had also heard that I had been in an accident and wasn’t able to do my part this year.

I have to tell you that I have put on a Santa suit almost 30 years and I have helped deliver sub for Santa to families from other people. But this year I feel that for one night I really am Santa and its like magic far stronger than even superman. They have three little girls and they are the cutest always with a smile. And I know that when the time comes there will be the wonderment in their eyes anticipating what’s in the boxes. I just wish I could be there when they open their presents but I’m afraid that I may have some plumbing problems that I couldn’t control.

I remember one Christmas when my girls where little and they had cut backs at my job several had been laid off and the rest that still had a job our hours went from 40 to 32. I had told my wife that it was going to take everything I got on my check just to pay the bills. But then someone told me about a place where I could do some piece work making rubber valves for pipe lines. I worked real hard for 5 weeks in my spare time and was able to get enough to have a little Christmas. But the week before Christmas one of our girls got real sick and was put in the hospital for a couple of days.

Back then we had to pay a co-pay which took everything we had for Christmas. It was the 23 of Dec. and all of a sudden we heard some noise outside and there where friends and neighbors with boxes of things.

I have always thought of myself as someone who doesn’t need help. I didn’t want to feel like a charity case but I always knew how I felt when I was able to help someone in trouble. My wife told me its time you let someone else feel good by helping you.

So if you think you see something in the night sky on the 24^th don’t be surprised if you see me in a sleigh.

Ho, HO, HOO Marry Christmas

Dee

The Fishing Pond

It never ceases to amazes me what kids do in their spare time. I was watching my grand kids one day this summer and saw them stuck to the TV tube. It didn’t matter what anyone did, the kids wouldn’t leave.

In the other room they where at the computer it was like a magnet so strong that it would pull others to it.

I decided to try something it wasn’t big and I told my wife what I was going to do. The dish where done the living room was clean. No one thought to bring an I pod with them to grandma’s and grandpa’s house.

Just then we lost power the TV was off, the computer was off. The kids where looking, and checking the plugs but everything was in order.

It was 11:00 in the morning so it was warm out side but there weren’t any kids outside.

Well the first thing the kids did was to tell me to fix the problem so they could go back to what they where doing. I know they wanted me to do my magic and fix it.

I just told them that my magic wouldn’t work this time I needed to get something at the store to help me.

The kids looked like they where lost couldn’t think for themselves. I went into my garage to look around and asked the kids to come and help. Up in the rafters I had made some storage places for like camping gear and things like that. I told the kids that what I needed was way in back of all the stuff. So I went up the ladder and started handing things down to the kids. First a tire came down and then a couple of sleeping bags and a tackle box and then some fishes polls.

Then one of the grand kids said “I’ve been fishing before” as though it was a big thing. So I asked would you like to go again. Of course he said yes but he said we went far, far away and it took them all day to get there.

I smiled at him and said well I know one that is closer and will only take about an hour to get to. Then the rest popped up and said can we come. Sure I said I have to check with grandma first.

My wife had made sandwiches and put them in a box along with some other things. But she said I’m coming along as well or you can make your own sandwiches.

So off we went. I had turned the radio off and they didn’t even notice. Grandma asked do any of you know a song we all can sing. So we sang songs the whole way. When se got there some wanted to fish others wanted to go for a hike.

We caught several fish and I showed the kids how to clean them.

We spent about 5 hours there and not one of them complained and on the way back I taught them some songs from when I was a kid.

When we got back home and their parents came that’s all they could talk about. The showed the parents the fish and other things they had found and the songs they learned.

As they where about to leave I asked would you like to do it again some time.

Their answer was yes “tomorrow”

After the accident the kids thought that was the end of the trips. But grandma told them she had plans for going on a trip before Christmas.

We shall see how it turns out.

Dee