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God Gave Me Someone

God gave me someone to help me at one of the worst times of my life. I learned to have hope, to have dreams instead of nightmares. To see a future instead of planning an end…

Someone to…bare my soul to, share my inner most thoughts, trust with my most guarded secrets.

Someone to …talk to who would actually listen, understand me and ask when he wasn’t sure.

Someone to …make me feel good about myself, lift my spirits with his laughter, show me that I was wanted and had worth.

Someone to …accept my misgivings and praise my accomplishments, listen to my ideas and offer his advice when asked.

Someone to …Help me through my bad times, give me his shoulder to cry on and offer his arms for comfort, to show me that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone to …Worry about me and wonder if I’m okay, to show me he cares, to share his strength with.

Someone to …Share my dreams and escape with me to our own fantasy world.

Someone to…See deep into my soul be my soul mate.

Someone to…Share my love.

And then…

We got greedy and went to the garden and took a bite from the forbidden apple. Our already sinful relationship became even more so and our longing for each other increased but for other reasons now.

Our…friendship moved forward, feelings became deeper, sexual, and even more sinful.

Our…meetings became physical, communications became written, messages, letters online.

            Our …sharing of intimate thoughts and concerns deepened.

Our…relationship went from being friends to being lovers, meetings were more frequent but shorter and with less words and more action.

Our…lustful yearning had made us selfish, careless and more daring.

And then…

            Our secret relationship was suddenly uncovered. Our life together was over in a matter of minutes. Our sinful consumption had inflected pain on many innocent people. Our world was shattered, ended in shame, sin and lies.

            My happiness was gone, our lives ended, we could never go back, we can no longer have any communication. My greatest regret even today, I had lost my very best friend.

And now…there is no one…

            No one to…give me strength so desperately now needed.

No one to…share my pain, no arms to comfort me.

No one to…kiss my tears away, give me hope and make me feel wanted.

No one to…share my dreams anymore.

No one to help me go on from here.

No one to be my best friend anymore.

And now…

A year later and I’m sitting here, still wondering where do I go from

here? I’ve shed many, many tears and spent hours in despair, how do I go on from here.  Almost a year, everyone has moved on yet I’m stuck here in limbo, which way I turn no longer his concern. I’ve been trying to find closure, though I’m not sure why. So many years together and yet never a goodbye.

            Was he sent to me to test my temptation or to give me the strength and comfort I needed so much?  Am I now paying penance for the happiness we shared? I thought I had reached the bottom a couple of times in my life but now I see that wasn’t the case. There is only one other to turn to for help. Maybe its time to make God my Someone. I know it can’t hurt.

            It’s time to move on. Accept the fact that my one true friend is gone. I have to look forward, not to my dreams, but to survival. I need to find my own strength in order to go on. I have to make choices as best as I can and face the consequences by myself. I have to take the first step to climb from this self -imposed pit of depression.

            This is my closure; I guess it’s best for all. I will never say goodbye, it just seems so fatal. You’ll be with me forever no matter where I go; you’re a part of my heart and a part of my soul.

            Thank God for you, and our special time together my special someone. May your life be full of peace, love and happiness.