Just about a week ago, I moved from Franklin to Nashville, Tennessee. The move was well-planned, packing done, calls made to turn off this and turn on that, change of address notices all around. This is a very good decision for me; I get to save a substantial amount of money each month; although I’m still not quite sure how, but the numbers tell me it’s true. I get to live closer to downtown Nashville, which will open possibilities to me for events and happenings without having to drive (yes, the dreaded driving) a minimum of thirty minutes each way. I get to have the companionship of a close, caring and thoughtful friend who is also a man. Yes, we are friends; and I believe we will nurture a friendship the likes of which I have seldom experienced to date. We are confidants for each other, talk easily, go out together for the occasional dinner. For me, the sharing part is a work in progress. Might just be for him too.

The good thing is, we discuss everything. That is a hugely important part of a successful friendship anyway, but especially when two people share space. My MO is to be hugely possessive of things. I am a decorator at heart, and prefer those ”things” be placed a certain way, never be out of place, and of course, their rightful and best position always determined by  – you guessed it -  me. My roommate and I have both lived alone for a number of years. In that time, anyone will become very comfortable with making decisions autonomously, picking up after oneself; or not, determining every part of home life – alone.

So, we moved in together, my new roomie and myself, as we each lugged boxes and bags, and remarked affirmations of how great this will be. And I agreed. What I have found within myself, are old feelings resurfacing. They’re flowing up into my conscious like a bubbling, boiling pot of something, awakening me to “those” feelings. They are thoughts of, “you’re cleaning that up, right?!”, and, “I hope you don’t think that goes THERE!”. Those kinds of thoughts. I must say here, that my roommate, is in no way, responsible for this. He has been nothing but generous; he even walks my dog early in the morning, and has been most agreeable in stepping out of the way while I arrange, rearrange and organize the common areas of our place. I recognize these feelings for what they are; the beginning of a process of getting to know someone on a more intimate, daily basis. The process of learning how the person eats, sleeps, what he reads, and whether he makes his bed. For me, they are also thoughts from a past of living with people I was not particularly compatible with and they are thoughts from a past of having little privacy or permission to just be.

This past year has been a time of awakening for me of a huge measure. How fortunate I am!  And it continues. So I have placed myself, again, into a new situation. Over the past three years I have moved as many times, I have found a wonderful new home that is Nashville in general, I have met people who are an important part of my life, and hope that will continue. And, I am still working through remnants of what was. I know that is part of my process of getting closely and deeply into what my life should be. I am thankful for the awareness of past attitudes and the ability to move through them. We cannot always banish what has been a deep part of our personalities, but we can learn to identify what we don’t particularly want to keep there, and we can talk ourselves through when they appear to us. It’s kind of like taking a pill for an illness. It will not necessarily leave us entirely, but eventually we find we can manage through just fine.

So, this process of sharing with another will unfold, and we will both have our challenges with it. We will also have our joys. And I am sure I will have lots more to write about as we continue together in our shared space. For now, my angel voice will continue to talk it out with my devil voice, recalling the many positive aspects of this decision I made, and remembering that life is a series of bridges and always a process of learning; and I am thankful to be fortunate enough to understand that. I fully intend to be the best roommate I can be, even though it is painfully clear my dog, Jake, loves my new roommate a lot more than he does me!  Wish me Luck!