In my line of work, I talk every day with people who are looking for a new job.  Many have been searching for many months and have applied for countless jobs - or so they say.  When I dig a little deeper, I discover that their job search has not been well planned and is actually quite haphazard.  Dig a little deeper and I find that most are angry, confused and greatly discouraged, even depressed - not a great mindset for job searching.  Sound the least bit familiar?

Now, I’m talking from personal experience here and not some textbook on behavioral psychology.  What I find that the large majority of unemployed job seekers have in common, is that they’re in a state of emotional turmoil.  This should really be no surprise.

Just think about how it feels to become unemployed. Your supervisor or HR representative asks you to “please step into the conference room”.  You take a seat and your head is already getting light.  There are two, maybe three “suits” in the room and you hear, “There’s no easy way to say this” and then, “Your job has been eliminated”, or “We have to lay you off”, or, heaven forbid, “Your being terminated (fired) for cause”.  You see their lips moving but you haven’t heard another word.  Your chest has tightened, you feel dizzy and it seems your feet have left the ground. 

You may (about half of the time) be offered some form of severance package but even this is not out of altruism or kindness.  In return, your employer wants you to sign a release from liability whereby you give up all rights to take legal action against them.  They’ll certainly advise you to consult with an attorney before signing.  Your not just an ex-employee, you’re now an adversary - an opponent.

Because employers have become inclined to prepare for the worst, there may be several security staff at the conference room door.  They take your ID and key and tell you your personal possessions will be boxed up and delivered to your home.  They escort you to the exit with no opportunity to say “goodbye” to the folks you’ve worked with for so long. 

In a matter of 15 to 30 minutes, you’ve gone from being employed with a regular paycheck and some level of certainty about what you’ll do tomorrow, to being isolated, shocked, angry, fearful and confused.  Just wait - the roller coaster ride is just beginning.  Hopefully, you have a car to drive home in and don’t have to wait for a bus or carpool (talk about a horrible trip home).  You get into your car and it all sort of hits you.  You actually may cry (yup, even the guys) and the first question on your lips (guaranteed) will be, “What will I do now?”

You now have to tell those at home the news and you start trying to figure out exactly what you’ll say.  Then it hits you!  The mortgage or rent, utilities, healthcare insurance, groceries, the roof repair, car payments, school tuition, filing for unemployment compensation, a new resume, the recession, 10% unemployment.  Your anxiety is skyrocketing and you’re not even home yet.

The next few days will be crucial.  The biggest mistake you can make during this time is to suppress any emotional reaction and immediately throw yourself headlong into an ill-planned job search.  Job #1 is to get an emotional grip around what’s just happened.  Recognize that the anger, humiliation, confusion, fear and anxiety are essentially unavoidable and destructive.  Deal with them now, or be plagued by them later.  Short of the death of a loved one, there is probably no more concentrated shock to your emotions that losing your job. 

Allow yourself a few days to just “lick your wounds” and calm down, but forget about the month-long vacation to “clear your head”.  Tell your family and support network quickly and directly - there is no reason to be ashamed, but it’s hard-wired into many of us.  I still remember my Dad “going to work” every day from 4 in the morning to 6 at night throughout 1954 until the day he came home and broke down and admitted he had lost his job a year before!

Get any help and support you need.  Make out a financial survival plan.  File for unemployment benefits.  Check out part time jobs that you could begin immediately.  Now, calmly and deliberately prepare your job search plan.  Keep those lingering emotions in check and remember that you have many talents and skills that are valuable to a new employer.  The power of positive thinking?  You have no other choice if you’re your going to prevail.

I’d like to hear from anyone who has confronted job loss and its consequences or is struggling with it now.

Thanks for reading.  Bob Skladany