AARP Online Community: agoyer

agoyer

Offline

Background

Gender: Female

Status: Partnered

Location:
Washington, District of Columbia
United States

School:
Athens High School
Ohio University

Work:
Multigenerational family issues expert for AARP (including grandparenting and other key family relationships), author and spokesperson, consultant. Columnist on AARP.org
Author, "Things To Do Now You're a...Grandparent"

Hometown(s):
Born in West Lafayette, IN
grew up in Athens, Ohio
lived in Columbus, OH for 10 years and then the DC area for 15 years
now I'm "bi-coastal" with a base in Phoenix, Arizona and a base in the DC area

Quote:
"Keep cool but don't freeze." (My Dad)

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About Me

I am an expert in multigenerational family issues, author, media spokesperson and currently an independent consultant. I write a monthly column about family issues on the AARP.org website and serve as a spokesperson for AARP. Previously I served as Senior Vice President of Outreach for Grandparents.com, and prior to that I worked for AARP for 15 years, heading up integenerational programs and then the Grandparenting Program in both AARP and the AARP Foundation. I have a new book for grandparents called, "Things to do now you're...a grandparent!"

Interests:

I love being outdoors doing just about anything, including gardening and hiking, canoeing and kayaking. I walk and do yoga and working out regularly. I am also a musician (I was a Music Therapist originally). I teach piano and sing. I'm into creative arts (crafts, decorating, drawing, painting) and have also been involved in theater in the past

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My Photos (60)

So many pictures - so little wall space

Surveying the boxes

Special eating arrangements - Jackson included

The happy couple

Moving day took its toll

Mom celebrates her 83rd b-day

Mom and Jackson try out the new sofabed

Mom and Dad shopping for new apartment

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My Journals (1)

Thoughts from the AARP National Event LIfe@50+ Las Vegas

I’ve just returned from the AARP Life@50+ National Event in Las Vegas. Vegas wears me out, but it sure is entertaining! One certainly sees a bit of everything there!. I met so many great AARP members and their families at the Event who had travelled from all over the country to attend. Most seemed to be “repeat attenders” of the Event, and thousands have already signed up for next year in Orlando. It seems that once you attend – you’re hooked!

Here are some of my reflections on sessions and workshops that addressed family issues:

10/23/09 The Exceptional Pleasures- and Unexpected Perils- of Grandparenthood - Barbara Graham

Barbara, a long-distance grandmother, shared some of the stories from her book, Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother. She confirmed what I’ve heard from literally thousands of grandparents over the years. Being a grandparent is more complicated than they ever imagined – and the complications arise with the parents of their grandchildren! Barbara shared, “Since I became a grandparent, it’s kind of like training for the diplomatic corps!” She talked about the love she feels for her grandchildren - sometimes described as an almost urgent desire to be with them and a different feeling than being a parent. But grandparents can’t always be with grandchildren, or hear about them, as much as they’d like to. “I had to learn to stand back,” she said, and added, “If you haven’t grown up by the time you are a grandparent, it gives you lots of opportunities!” Bravo to Barbara for making the effort to allow her son and his wife some room, even when all she wants to do is call and see how grandbaby is doing.

It can be hard to stand back, but it has its pay-offs. “Being a grandparent is a lot like being a relief pitcher,” Barbara said. One day when her first grandchild was an infant, she offered to get some things at the farmers market for her son and his wife. When she delivered the items, her son asked if she would mind holding the baby while his wife napped and he prepared the food. Mind?! Every grandmother’s dream – to be asked to hold the baby rather than asking for that joyous task!

10/23/09 The Andrus Award Gala - Honoring Normal Lear

I was fortunate to attend the Andrus Award Gala on Friday night. This award is given in honor of the founder of AARP, Ethel Percy Andrus, and this year the indomitable Norman Lear was the recipient because of his work for social action in television. Lear is the legendary producer of such TV shows as Maude, The Jeffersons and All in the Family. In his acceptance speech, Lear, 87 and a WWII Veteran, shared intergenerational messages that were right on. He shared his desire to establish for the younger generation what it truly means to have lived a meaningful life. He said, “We’re all human, so we torture ourselves with questions like who matters the most.” And he said there is a paradox in this dilemma. “We all matter – and the more we understand that, the more we matter!” Lear, who has founded several non-profit organizations and invested his personal and financial resources in human rights and connecting people around the globe, said the bottom line is that understanding how much we all matter equally is the “greatest gift you and I can leave our kids and our grandkids.”

It’s interesting to me that a man who was once included in Fortune Magazine’s list of the wealthiest people, is so focused on leaving such a simple gift to his children and grandchildren. He truly is part of the Greatest Generation.

10/24/09 Dancing with the Stars Jane Seymour, Steve Guttenberg, Jonathon Roberts, Anna Trebunskaya

To be honest, I’ve never watched a full episode of the TV show, Dancing with the Stars. I know it’s hugely popular, but I’ve never quite understood the appeal. After attending this session, I think I get it.

The stars, Jane Seymour (a.k.a. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman) and Steve Guttenberg (best known for his role in that wonderful movie, Cocoon), and the pros, a married couple, Roberts and Trebunskaya, danced several times. It was lovely if not perfect. The costumes were delightful and all that was great. But the light bulb came on for me when the session was opened up for audience questions. It was obvious that audience members felt that they knew these dancers. They asked about their children and their causes – and the stars talked to them as if they were old friends. The pros were just as popular, as the audience has watched them work over many television seasons. They shared stories of dancing with bloody feet and aching muscles, pushing through no matter what. They told of sleeping on the dance studio floor. It was obvious that it was not just about dancing – it was about overcoming all odds to accomplish something others didn’t think possible. There seemed to be a real connection between the audience and the dancers.

One comment of gratitude made by an audience brought it all together for me. “Thank you for this show that multiple generations can enjoy.” It is a show that grandparents, parents and grandchildren can all get into…and there aren’t many of those around these days.

10/24/09 The Power of Family Al Roker

Al Roker, popular for his Today Show and Weather Channel appearances, entertained the audience with stories of his family. The eldest of 6 children, Roker told stories to which baby boomers and older generations alike could relate. His description of the whole family piling into the Ford station wagon with fake wood on the sides and no seatbelts hit home for me, especially when he related the story of his father frequently being pushed by agitating kids in the back seat to shout “Am I going to have to stop this car?!!”. If I had a dime for every time I heard my Dad shout the same thing. But he made a comment that I’m sure rings true to many of today’s parents. He said he does the same thing with his kids, but “the difference is I was actually afraid of my Dad – my children are not afraid of me!” Now Roker also related how loving his father was, so this is not a comment about being afraid of an abusive father. No – I think his comment spoke to the difference in parenting these days. “I’ve never spanked my kids!” he related.

Roker has been incredibly successful in his career, and he gives credit to his family. “My strength, my ability to achieve came from my family – especially my mother – believing in me.” His view is that “Family are the people who love you, nurture you and take care of you – that is family.” It struck me as I listened to the audience ask questions that Al Roker had created a sense of family in the audience in the short time of his speech. We were all drawn together by his stories and our common American experience. We could all remember and relate to his family in one way or another.

There are many definitions of family, but if you take Roker’s definition it doesn’t have to apply to biological family members – at the AARP National Event it sort of felt like we were all one big family pulled together by common interests and experiences, nurturing and taking care of each other as we age proudly, joyfully and graciously.

See you next year in Orlando!

Added: October 30, 2009
Views: 23 | Comments: 0 | Bookmarks: 0

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Comments (9)

magic11 says:

How exactly do, alontime AARP member, Join this particular group of folks
raising their grandkids. I have 2.
bunny

Posted: October 29, 2009 2:30PM EDT

agoyer says:

Hi Bunny,

Now that you have an online profile, it's easy to join the Raising Grandchildren group. Just go to the Groups tab, and then click on Family & Friends, then click on Parenting & Grandparenting, then click on Raising Grandchildren (or try this link http://www.aarp.org/community/groups/RaisingGrandchildren.

Once you are there, click on "Join this Group" (under the photo of a grandpa and his grandchild). Then click "Join".

Once you join, you can post comments and questions in reaction to other group members' posts, or you can start a "new topic" if you want to post questions or comments.

Let me know if you have any problems joining the group - and I'll look forward to seeing you in the group!

Take care,
Amy

Posted: November 13, 2009 1:33AM EST