For our Final Feature, I have asked one of the elite of our group to speak to us on the Treasures of the Coffee Shop!

He is our window in the sky!

Our all-seeing, all-knowing

Master of the Ultimate Challenge Between Men and Women!

Mr. jcofla

Let's give him a big round of applause everyone!!

Welcome John!

  jcofla  
 

THANK YOU!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

THANK YOU, PLEASE, TAKE YOUR SEATS!!!

Thank you, we don?t have much more time on the roast. Twinkness has an catch a

plane. She's going on a cruise. Actually, on the last cruise she was on she was

standing at the railing holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in

the wind. A gentleman came up behind her and asked, "Pardon me, madam. I don't

intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high

wind?" "Yes, I know," Twinkness told him, "I need both hands to hold onto this

hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" the man said

trying to be chivalrous. Twinkness looked down, then back up at the man and said,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat

yesterday!"

BA ? RUMP ? BUMP!!

Hey, just kidding there Twink!

But whow, when I was asked to speak this evening at the ?Roast? for TZ, I said to

the person, ?Geez, I?m flattered. But I am only getting to know TZ. I only know

what I know since I?ve been on this website for just over a month.? Well of course

THAT fell on def ears. So I decided I would get creative and find out everything I

could about TZ. Now, very few of you know but I have been known to often lend money

to people who? well, who don?t really have anywhere else to turn. Of course before

doing this I have my.. aah? my.. private investigator, yeah, that?s it? my private

investigator check these people out. So I called him and asked him to give me some

help. The call went something like this:

ME: Guido?

PI: Yeah, Boss?

ME: Guido, I have a new assignment for you.

PI: Great, does it involve the usual and pay the same as before?

ME: No, no, this is on the front side, not the collection side.

PI: Okay boss, who?s the mark and where do you want me to look.

ME: He?s an over-the-road truck driver who goes by the CB handle ?TZ.?

PI: TZ, Damn Boss, I thinks I knows that guy. Is he froms out in the mid-west? I

thinks I tracked him down once for da boys in Chicago. Man, that guy is in the

twilight zone.

ME: Okay good, now you have a start on it. Let me know what you find as soon as you

find anything.

Well, Guido hit the road. He went out to Chicago, met up with some old friends and

they started following TZ on his trucking trips. They stopped at all the truck

stops TZ stopped and aah.. interviewed.. yeah that?s the word, interviewed some of

the people there that knew TZ. The following is a brief summery of their

interviews.

TZ was so poor growing up ... If he hadn?t been born a boy, he would have had

nothing to play with.

And this ?over the road? thing can cause some serious problems. TZ was asleep one

night when the phone rang at two in the morning. TZ, picked up the phone, listened

a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. TZ wife asked, "Who

was that?" TZ said, "I don't know, some guy who sounded like the gardener what to

know if the coast is clear."

Back in his teenage years a girl called him up one day and said, "Come on over,

there's nobody home." HE went over?. And yep, there was nobody home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, TZ wouldn?t have a sex life at all.

During sex his girlfriend always wants to talk to him. Just the other night she

called him from a hotel.

One day as he came home early from work.... He saw a guy jogging naked. TZ said to

the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" the guy said, "Because you came home

early."

Poor TZ, He was such an ugly kid... when he played in the sandbox the cat kept

covering me up.

Poor TZ, He was such an ugly kid... dogs hump his leg with their eyes closed.

When TZ was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to his

father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through."

Poor TZ is so ugly... his mother had morning sickness - After he was born.

TZ can remember the time when as a child he was kidnapped. The kidnappers sent a

piece of his finger to his father. TZ?s father said he wanted more proof.

Once when TZ was lost..... he saw a policeman and asked him to help find my

parents. TZ said to the policeman, "Do you think we'll ever find them? The

policeman said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

Guido also found out that TZ has had a couple brush ups with the law. A while back

this Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a TZ coming down the

walkway with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots. So the sheriff

arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking TZ up he asks "Why in the world

are you dressed like this?" TZ says, " Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the

bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor

home with her....and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to

pull off my shirt. so I did.... Then she pulls off her skirt and ask me to pull off

my pants so I did... Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my

shorts... So I did... Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and

says, Now go to town cowboy.... So here I am."

Alright, there are way to many women laughing out there. Yes I mean you..

especially you five women over there? Patti? Gina? Nancy? RaeDi and Leila?. Yeah,

Guido got some dirt on you too. For example:

One of you, I won?t reveal who, was recently asked what she had between her

breasts? The answer was, Her navel.

We heard that Patti and Gina were sitting on a park bench watching the other folks

go by. Patti said, "You know, Gina, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book

and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. 'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm'

there-that's all they talk about. Tell me, Gina, when your.. well you know, do you

two ever have mutual orgasm?" Gina thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her

head and said, "Nope, I?m pretty sure we have State Farm.

Nancy, RaeDi, and Leila were sitting side by side in their retirement home

reminiscing. Nancy recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her

hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. RaeDi

nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and

demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. So then

Leila remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I DO remember the guy

you're talking about."

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, THAT?S ENOUGH!!

Well, TZ, I hope you had a nice time here this evening. I trust you know we all

love you and have the greatest respect for you and what you do.

Twink, thanks for the invite? Good night everybody!!! 

"SUPER" TRUCKER
 

Welcome Back.

Our hero of the hour looks like he's feeling no pain, so we're going to break out a few different guests. 

Traveling all through the night at times,

we know you never forget who's back here remembering you,

saying their prayers and watching the weather channel!

Why it's our very own...

 
rae1tom 

TZ you have helped me more than I guess you realize.

I enjoy your talks about being on the road.

     Again I can't thank you enough for being my friend! 

You're one smart cookie,    

 and one step ahead of our government!

They may not know it yet, but anyone that isn't already, 

they'd better start running NOW!

You and I have talked about the chemicals and we know about the

Big Business People!

Too bad so many close their eyes and ears to what is going on around us.

There are more of us than in the government, and we are the ones who put them there to represent us.

 When we all wake up and start voting out all of the weight that isn't needed -

-or wanted -

then maybe we can have a change.

Thanks for being my friend, TZ!

Have a great Tribute Day!!

RaeDi

Very nice! Thanks RaeDi!

... And now, a gentleman who need no introduction!

One of our funniest men from the Cafe!

Mr. Ed Kinge!!

 Well TZ some people seem to think that you are funny at the cafe and they just roll on the floor laughing
Well I think that your wit needs a lot of help
Mabey the following will put you a little more in touch with the real world out there and mabey
just mabey now that the following can fix your so called humorous side.--[ kinge says undrer his breath]

1.Got gas ?
A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights".
Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!".
The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up".
The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.
He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!".
The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

2.A blonde calls up the fire department to report a fire at her house.
Dispatcher answers and says,'stay calm mam. Now how do we get there?'
The blonde replies,'Duhh! Big red truck!'

3Low Bridge
A truck driver read a sign warning about a low bridge ahead. When he got to the bridge he saw a sign warning that the bridge had only 12' clearance. He pulled over to the side of the road, got a measuring tape and got out to measured the height of his truck. He found it was 12' 4".
His codriver asked what they were going to do.
The driver looked down the road one way, then down the road the other way, jumped back into the cab and said "No one's coming, let's go for it".

Our next little lady is another who comes to us from

The Coffee Shop.

You see her everyday even though you're not always there

She is!!

pattih  

 How I met TZ
I had been going on the old AARP site to play games and do puzzles. But, I never posted - looked at them and couldn't figure out how to follow the threads. When the new site came up, I played the games and, I even looked at the message boards. I stayed in the background and lurked in the shadows to see what was going on Finally, in March, I got up the nerve to join one of the groups. I decided to join the "Lost to Grief" group, since I had suffered a few losses over the last couple of years. As I looked at the topics open for discussion, I found one that seemed very unusual. I clicked on to see what was happening. Picture this, here I am, never having done this before, not even sure of what I am doing and what happens. I pick TZ going on a rant. Now, what do I do? What am I doing on this site? Being me, I leave this long message for TZ, telling him to calm down and offering other pieces of my profound wisdom. TZ quickly welcomed me to the group and told me he had just been blowing off steam. As it turned out, I was glad I stayed. I happened to meet a very wonderful friend named Twinkness. We have discovered that we have quite a bit in common. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we were sisters in another life.

Next thing I know, TZ is off and running to get the Coffee Shop going. And who is the head waitress - Twinkness, of course. So guess who got drafted to work in the Coffee Shop? I agreed, but only if I got to wear a cute uniform. NO TZ ---I WILL NOT WEAR THAT GO FIND SOMETHING GIRLY GIRL!!!!!! This is great - looks just like me and I don't need to worry about buttoning that pesky third button!

Howdy TZ!

Now you take your place at this here long table up front and our waitress will bring you some food and drink.

What's your Poison?

The last time you answered that question it was beer, Beer and BEER!!

So, drink up my friend! Here's two to start.

The MORE You drink, the better we look!

Now, are you ready for this?

We have gathered a bunch of your friends here today to pay tribute to that Hulk of a man, that Bleach of a person, that essence of true heroism ... You - TZ!

Our first up this morning is a kindly little lady who would like to brighten your day with a joke.

 
fairyangel1947  
  TZ ...a truck driver stopped at a roadhouse diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers pulled up. They came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second biker drank the trucker's coffee, and the third biker wolfed down the apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word, just paid the cashier and left. When he was gone, the bikers snickered and congratulated each other for being such bad asses. As the cashier walked up , a biker growled , "He ain't much of a man is he?" "He's not much of a driver neither, " replied the cashier. "He just backed his 18 wheeler over three motorcycles."

You catchin' all this Big Guy?!?

I don't know. His eyes are lookin' a little glassy.

Next up, we have none other than the Queen of Harmony, the princess of pearls, she's a real Neon sort of Ninja... take it away Gina!

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother!  
 
I met TZ in January 2008 in the Grief & Loss Forum on the old AARP board.

My introductory post to the group was not received well by a few of the

older members of the board (the Matriarchs, I called them). There were

four people in the forum who tentatively welcomed me, and one bold and

brash trucker, with his own brand of ?dark? humor, that resonated with me.

The person who initially posted the thread in the forum would only respond to TZ's

remarks. Subsequently, he was viciously verbally attacked by the "old guard," who

called themselves the "protectors" of those who were experiencing new grief.

Because I spoke about the acceptance of grief by talking about the Lord and the

return of Christ to resurrect the deceased, I was accused of being a "devil",

accused of sermonizing and being a false prophet.

Anyone who defended TZ was considered a part of his "cult"

and referred to as those of his "ilk."

He took the abuse over and over until he finally had enough.

I took the abuse until I finally had enough.

We finally left the old board and this board started.

 TZ was trying to help the others transition to the new way that AARP

was doing things.

They wanted no part of "his board,"

   but I happily followed, relieved to be away from vile individuals

who called  themselves Christians,  

but have spiteful tongues and evil thoughts and ways.

What started as a group with only 4 members

has expanded to what the board is today.

In a very short span of time, 2 of those original members left

but TZ and I stayed.

TZ is a man with a kind and gentle soul.

A man with a heart of gold.

A man who is always willing to help others.

I am proud to call him Friend and I am proud to call him Brother!

Gina

Well now, that was mighty fine there Ms. Gina! A real tear jerker...

somebody pass those tissues over here a moment.

(Blows Nose Loudly!!!)

Dang!! Time for a smile!

Here's a gift for you, Big Guy! Don't ya just love that color!!!

A Good Man Lived 

With a kind word for all

And a hate for Oppression

He walked this Earth

A simple man.

A Kind Man Lived

And because of him

Three souls were saved

And lived to tell the story

He shared from the streets.

An Honest Man Lived 

Never wanting more than he could spend

Be it time or patience or forgiveness

He lived well within his means

And chose me as his friend.

While not many knew him

Fewer understood him.

He was a Good Man

Living his Life to do right by the world.

There is no written word

Nor statues erected in his name -

But I tell you Today

It was enough that He Lived.

Michael Fulcher

March 29, 1951 - May 30, 2008

Battle Hymn of the Republic 

Mine eyes have seen the glory

  of the coming of the Lord,
He is trampling out the vintage
    where the grapes of wrath are stored
He hath loosed the fateful lightning
  of His terrible swift sword
His truth is marching on.

Glory Glory Halleluia!
Glory Glory Halleluia!
Glory Glory Halleluia!
His truth is marching on!

In the beauty of the lilies 
         Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom
 that transfigures you and me.
As He died to make men holy
     let us live to make men free
While God is marching on!

Glory Glory Halleluia!

Glory Glory Halleluia!
Glory Glory Halleluia!
His truth is marching on!

     Maryland is a veritable amusement park for the senses! Even the most difficult to please will find happiness here within our borders.

 Whether you are at home or staying at a nearby hotel, Keller’s Bakery tantalizes the palate with pastries, donuts and cakes all baked that same morning right on site! It is the "coffee shop" of Linthicum.And I would be remis if I didn't include the Linthicum Pharmacy! ...one block away from "My House."

     Two miles south of there is the BWI Thurgood Marshall Airport. They deal Internationally. Folksflock to the observation deck or the small BWI Park not far away (on Dorsey RD) to watch flights land.

     However, the best treat is our Inner Harbor in Baltimore, about 10 miles northeast of Linthicum. Inner Harbor is filled with tourist attractions! There is the Science Center with the Planetarium and the Imax theatres. There are plenty of shops for shopping and restaurants. This site even houses the National Aquarium in Baltimore where they have daily dolphin shows and all sorts of marine wildlife on display - even sharks and stingrays!         

     Taking a look southward, our state capital awaits your adventurous side.  There is the capital building to explore and St. John’s college right in the center of town. The waterfront is historical as this is where the first slaves were brought in and sold.  

The U.S. Naval Academy is also located here. The tours will take you through the classrooms where our naval officers are taught. My favorite part of the tour is along the waterfront, where you can overlook the Chesapeake Bay and round the corner to see the sailboats launch on the Severn River.                                                                                         

     Of course by this time you may wish to hop a boat to sail under the Chesapeake Bay Bridge!  This is the sight as you sail out of the mouth of the Severn River. Seven miles across, this bridge connects our western and eastern shores.  It is one of two ways you have if you would like to travel to the beaches in Ocean City or Assateague.

     There are so many more things to see in Maryland. It is one of those states which is full of history and also exciting things to do... or casually sit beside the bay and fish. From the ocean to the east to the mountains in the west, there is always something to see in Maryland. Thanks for joining us.