Offline 
Background
Name: Julia
Gender: Female
Status:
Divorced
Ethnicity:
Caucasian
Caucasian
Religion:
Spiritual
Location:
BIG BLUE MARBLE, Arizona
BIG BLUE MARBLE, Arizona
Work:
Public Safety Communications
Law Enforcement
Multi-media Graphics & Design
Story writer & 2-D Animator
Character Developer
Landscape Architectural Design
Professional Horse Exhibitor, Breeder, Trainer
Public Safety Communications
Law Enforcement
Multi-media Graphics & Design
Story writer & 2-D Animator
Character Developer
Landscape Architectural Design
Professional Horse Exhibitor, Breeder, Trainer
Hometown(s):
In - British Columbia
California
Hawaii
New Mexico
Arizona
Germany
In - British Columbia
California
Hawaii
New Mexico
Arizona
Germany
My Websites:
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/Professional+Bull+Riders+Association
http://www.policelink.com/
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/Professional+Bull+Riders+Association
http://www.policelink.com/
Quote:
At over 60, STILL searching for common sense and intelligence on this planet...
At over 60, STILL searching for common sense and intelligence on this planet...
About Me
Max is holding the portal for me...
Interests:
My Photos (5)
My Videos (0)
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My Journals (1)
For Fred – 1993
(Warning! This is a non-fiction account - do not read if sensitive to this type of material.)
By Julia Elliott
Fred was just arriving in the parking lot of the Court buildings. He parked, got out of his SUV and retrieved his gear from the side door and headed in to change and get ready for his assigned court room.
He’d been a patrol deputy for many years and some personal and financial issues had been plaguing him, and most recently, his unwanted pending divorce. Switching from patrol to court duty had helped ease some of the pressure but not all of it.
It was all of this, he was thinking about, as he had done for so many months already, as he walked into the court yard and toward the private entrance for officers and other personnel.
He was also noticing what a gorgeous crisp day it was; real fall, leaves on the trees gold, light breeze; the air smelled wonderful, with a little tang of ocean.
Entering the building he paused and was conscious of the subtle hum of life and people about their business; ascending the stairs, Fred unconsciously brushed a tear from his cheek.
The coffee shop was open. Jerry, who was blind, knew almost everyone who came through his doors by sound of body movement, footstep and voice. He’d been with the County over a decade now and was a true fixture.
Everyone, could say something good about Jerry.
At one table there were a group of friends and acquaintances who worked both the courts and in patrol, having their ‘morning meeting’ over coffee; sharing their weekend warrior, patrol and court stories. And they were always rich in humor.
They were just getting started when the final party of the group walked in, raising a hand in greeting them all, in full uniform and gear, Fred walked over to the coffee urn for a cup, then returned to the party at the table, to have a share in the discussion and hilarity that would start all their days.
Most were in uniform. They were a great looking group of men. Authority exuded from all; but not overbearing – they were all approachable.
Contributing to these moments was no problem for Fred – he seemed to fit right in.
Jerry made his way over to the table and gave a hello to everyone, pretty much by name; quietly, he asked Fred if all was going better for him. Fred looked up, and his voice imperceptibly changing responded that things were and he expected for everything to be right very soon; he thanked Jerry for asking, went back to his coffee for a couple more sips, then got up and smiling, told everyone to have a good day, and headed for the restroom.
The door noisily banged shut after him.
Jerry mentioned it should be fixed.
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It was quiet in there and Fred was alone.
As he stood in front of the mirror, he saw all of his 48 years peering back at him. He saw a pretty good looking guy, hairline receding a little but no gray; physically fit. As he dried his hands, he kept looking at his reflection, then thoughts which were on his mind almost 24/7 crowded into his consciousness; his here and now.
The horrendous hollow in his chest came. The unbearable wrenching heart ache; he kept staring and saw tears begin rolling down both cheeks. Fred became lost in his anguish.
As he watched that agonized face and felt his soul dying by inches, his hand in slow motion, reached down, unbidden, to his duty revolver; slowly, as if on it’s own, the hand and revolver came up within view in the mirror, beside the image he was so intently watching.
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The restroom door banged again…
Everyone in the coffee shop looked up just briefly, but all knew it was the noisy, heavy door banging shut again; everyone went about what they were doing, just moments prior hearing it.
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Tears were now flooding down his face, but he could see his hazel eyes and hand were steady. He took aim; ‘it would be a good shot’ he was thinking; he could feel his trigger finger tightening, then engaging the trigger; ‘it will be over’, he was thinking, he will be free of this unbearable pain and agony.
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Another coffee shop customer entered the restroom and came out yelling – DOWN! DOWN! THERE’S A DEPUTY IN HERE – DOWN!
Every one who’d been left at the table vaulted toward the restroom, chairs scattering and falling in all directions; coffee spilling.
When Fred was discovered, it was apparent he had made an accurate, final shot.
He had released himself; where it seemed no other human he had contact with, could help ease his troubles and pain; or provide any genuine alternative direction to try and correct the seeming insurmountable pressures and hurt he had been carrying for so long.
He had also left family and friends. Who would forever, for the rest of their time alive, agonize over what maybe they could have done differently – for Fred, that this might not have happened.
Added: April 6, 2008
Views: 68 | Comments: 1 | Bookmarks: 0
Views: 68 | Comments: 1 | Bookmarks: 0
Comments (1)
rae1tom says:
Very Profound. You just don't know, do you? I think it is very important that no matter the person, one should show respect and let you spirit be known without words. I don't know if in this instance it wouldor could have mattered. But it does give one pause....RaeDi
Posted: May 14, 2008 2:28AM EDT
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