Offline 
Background
Gender: Female
Status:
Married
Location:
Pensacola, Florida
United States
Pensacola, Florida
United States
School:
Catholic
Catholic
Work:
TMT Printing & Mailing
TMT Printing & Mailing
Hometown(s):
Pensacola native, born and raised
Pensacola native, born and raised
Quote:
whatever
whatever
| Game | Score |
|---|---|
 Type Writer |
4050 |
About Me
I have become a person I don't want to be.
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Comments (10)
okeyjokey says:
Patty:
I read what you posted on my profile, but this time it did not come with a reply button. Your first post did have a reply button. Is that normal, or was there a setting that got changed, & if so, how?
The counseling we will go to will just be for the three of us. We are all struggling with the new family dynamics caused by the death of our older son--my husband lost the son who was most likely going to take over the family business; our younger son lost the older brother/confidant-he is now an only child & does not have someone who always experienced the new things in life first & gave him feedback and advice, & he is struggling with being the only focus of our attention; and I lost the son I depended on to act responsibly & who helped to keep his younger brother on track, not to mention the half of me that died with him.
I'm very much hoping that the counselor can help us to sort out some priorities, & help our son realize that his future will rest mostly on the choices which he will be making over the next year or so. He needs to hear it from someone besides me, & he definitely can use someone to talk to. Our first appt. is tomorrow evening, & I am praying that it will begin to help all of us.
I was sorry to read that you did not feel that your faith was as strong as mine seems to be. Without my faith, I don't know if I could have gone on after the accident. The only thing that is keeping my head together is repeating a zillion times a day through my tears that he is now in the best place that he could possibly be. Someone who came to one of the funeral home visits said that "the Lord puts all of us on this earth to do a job. Some of us do our job better than others. [Our son] had done his so well that he completed his work ahead of the rest of us & was called to come home." Judging by the thousands of people who came to the funeral home, that was a statement which really hit home for me. We had no idea how many lives he had touched.
Take care
Jo
I read what you posted on my profile, but this time it did not come with a reply button. Your first post did have a reply button. Is that normal, or was there a setting that got changed, & if so, how?
The counseling we will go to will just be for the three of us. We are all struggling with the new family dynamics caused by the death of our older son--my husband lost the son who was most likely going to take over the family business; our younger son lost the older brother/confidant-he is now an only child & does not have someone who always experienced the new things in life first & gave him feedback and advice, & he is struggling with being the only focus of our attention; and I lost the son I depended on to act responsibly & who helped to keep his younger brother on track, not to mention the half of me that died with him.
I'm very much hoping that the counselor can help us to sort out some priorities, & help our son realize that his future will rest mostly on the choices which he will be making over the next year or so. He needs to hear it from someone besides me, & he definitely can use someone to talk to. Our first appt. is tomorrow evening, & I am praying that it will begin to help all of us.
I was sorry to read that you did not feel that your faith was as strong as mine seems to be. Without my faith, I don't know if I could have gone on after the accident. The only thing that is keeping my head together is repeating a zillion times a day through my tears that he is now in the best place that he could possibly be. Someone who came to one of the funeral home visits said that "the Lord puts all of us on this earth to do a job. Some of us do our job better than others. [Our son] had done his so well that he completed his work ahead of the rest of us & was called to come home." Judging by the thousands of people who came to the funeral home, that was a statement which really hit home for me. We had no idea how many lives he had touched.
Take care
Jo
Posted: April 22, 2008 8:44PM EDT
Patty says:
Jo,
I am a strong believer in the Lord, it's just not as strong a should be because I still question Him on why he took my son. If you have strong faith I don't think you would question that. You accept things, you put your life completely in the Lord's hands. But I still question after 4 years.
I do hope counseling helps you and your famiy. It was just not for me. Maybe they can make your other son deal with the issues at hand. I know he lost a brother, but I also know he is not truly feeling the pain as you are. He will get over it, and go on with his life. Oh he will have times when he will think of his brother and a tear will fall. Jo, we as mothers feel it the worse. You are right half of us are gone, nobody else in my family feels this way not even my husband. My husband has moved on so to speak. He has learned to live with the loss and still be a little happy and does not understand why I can't do the same. I am not saying that our husbands and other sons are not grieving at all, I am saying they will go on and actually be happy after their hearts heal. OUr hearts will never heal.
At Chad's funeral there were hundreds of people there. In fact they wouldn't all fit in the funeral home for his wake. The funeral was basically the same way, when we turned from one road tanother, my youngest son called me from his cell phone (he was riding right behind us) and said look mom they keep coming for miles. The funeral procession was so long.
Better go starting to cry, I can play this over in my head. I can also play the video in my head how they brought my son out in a body bag.
Love
Patty
I am a strong believer in the Lord, it's just not as strong a should be because I still question Him on why he took my son. If you have strong faith I don't think you would question that. You accept things, you put your life completely in the Lord's hands. But I still question after 4 years.
I do hope counseling helps you and your famiy. It was just not for me. Maybe they can make your other son deal with the issues at hand. I know he lost a brother, but I also know he is not truly feeling the pain as you are. He will get over it, and go on with his life. Oh he will have times when he will think of his brother and a tear will fall. Jo, we as mothers feel it the worse. You are right half of us are gone, nobody else in my family feels this way not even my husband. My husband has moved on so to speak. He has learned to live with the loss and still be a little happy and does not understand why I can't do the same. I am not saying that our husbands and other sons are not grieving at all, I am saying they will go on and actually be happy after their hearts heal. OUr hearts will never heal.
At Chad's funeral there were hundreds of people there. In fact they wouldn't all fit in the funeral home for his wake. The funeral was basically the same way, when we turned from one road tanother, my youngest son called me from his cell phone (he was riding right behind us) and said look mom they keep coming for miles. The funeral procession was so long.
Better go starting to cry, I can play this over in my head. I can also play the video in my head how they brought my son out in a body bag.
Love
Patty
Posted: April 23, 2008 9:08AM EDT
Patty says:
Jo,
Sorry I had to leave in such a hurry this morning but some days are just worst than others. April is not a good month for me. April 6 is Chad's death day and on April 21 of last year I lost my mother. We buried Chad the day before Easter, and the day before his little girl's third birthday. All of this is just too hard, which makes Easter hard and Gabby's birthday hard. I know it shouldn't but it does.
You ask about the posting, I just don't know about this board. They changed it about a month ago and I am not sure of anything here. I only post at work, my computer was lost in a hurricane in September of 2004, 5 months after Chad's death I was dealing with my home badly damaged by Hurricane Ivan. I honestly don't know how I made it through that year. I must have been running on auto pilot. I was hiding Easter eggs the day after they buried my son and my husband asked what the hell I was doing. I said I had to hide the Easter eggs for all the grandkids. He just shook his head, even my neighbor came out and thought I lost my mind, and maybe I did. Things have not been the same with me since that day my son died as I am sure you know. It doesn't even feel like the same world, it changed when my son left it. Some days I don't want to even try to go on, and then I have to pull myself out of it. I live for my 9 wonderful grandchildren, and my other 2 sons and husband. But some days I feel like that isn't even enough. I am trying to stay focused on the loved ones I have left. I would hate to think the Good Lord would take one of them and I had not spent the quality time with them that I should.
Better go for now. I don't think this is the regular place to post but it was the only way to get through to you. I didn't want you to think I didn't care enough to write. I know with out this board I would have never made it through this grief journey. This is still my strength and hope.
Love and Peace
Patty
Sorry I had to leave in such a hurry this morning but some days are just worst than others. April is not a good month for me. April 6 is Chad's death day and on April 21 of last year I lost my mother. We buried Chad the day before Easter, and the day before his little girl's third birthday. All of this is just too hard, which makes Easter hard and Gabby's birthday hard. I know it shouldn't but it does.
You ask about the posting, I just don't know about this board. They changed it about a month ago and I am not sure of anything here. I only post at work, my computer was lost in a hurricane in September of 2004, 5 months after Chad's death I was dealing with my home badly damaged by Hurricane Ivan. I honestly don't know how I made it through that year. I must have been running on auto pilot. I was hiding Easter eggs the day after they buried my son and my husband asked what the hell I was doing. I said I had to hide the Easter eggs for all the grandkids. He just shook his head, even my neighbor came out and thought I lost my mind, and maybe I did. Things have not been the same with me since that day my son died as I am sure you know. It doesn't even feel like the same world, it changed when my son left it. Some days I don't want to even try to go on, and then I have to pull myself out of it. I live for my 9 wonderful grandchildren, and my other 2 sons and husband. But some days I feel like that isn't even enough. I am trying to stay focused on the loved ones I have left. I would hate to think the Good Lord would take one of them and I had not spent the quality time with them that I should.
Better go for now. I don't think this is the regular place to post but it was the only way to get through to you. I didn't want you to think I didn't care enough to write. I know with out this board I would have never made it through this grief journey. This is still my strength and hope.
Love and Peace
Patty
Posted: April 23, 2008 3:38PM EDT
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