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Whose Pain is worse?

I lost my husband after 15 months: he lost his wife after 45 years.

He lived his dream and now he has a lifetime of memories.

I did not have time to make my dreams come true and the

Memories are far too few.

And, yet I am still young and independent and will one day dream again;

He is older now and was dependent on her and his nightmare of

Loneliness has just begun

Who will take care of him now?

Whose pain is worse?

My husband and I did not have time to start a family,

She was left with three sons.

Her husband lives on in the face of his children, mine only live in my heart.

She has people with whom she can share memories:  I am all alone.

And yet, I have time to grieve for myself and to heal;

She must now support her sons, both physically and emotionally.

When will she have time to grieve?

Whose pain is worse?

My husband was taken from me without warning:

She knew for nine months that her son was dying.

She had the opportunity for one last hug, one last kiss,

And one last "goodbye."

I never had a chance for a final word, a final embrace,

And a final "I love you."

And yet, I know my husband did not suffer long

And lived the life he wanted:

But she watched her once strong, active son weaken and wither

As he was robbed of his strength, hopes and dreams.

How does she feel now?

Whose pain is worse?

I was there when my husband died:

She was on vacation when her father died.

She did not have to hear the sirens:  she did not see what I saw.

She did not stand by helplessly as doctors struggled

To bring him back to life.

And yet - I did what I could to save my husband and I

Was with him at the end.

She doesn't know how long her father suffered alone

Or if he cried out her name.

Or if things would have been different if she was home.

How much does she blame herself?

Whose pain is worse?

My husband died, her husband walked out on her.

She still has a chance for reconciliation and the hope

She will be reunited with him.

There is no chance for me to see my husband again

Or to hear him again or to hold him again.

And yet - I know when hy husband died

He truly loved me with all his heart.

She must deal with rejection and emptiness.

How will she feel if she saw him again?

Whose pain is worse?

To me, mine is worse:  to you, yours is worse.

But why do we compare?

I'm hurting and so are you.

Please allow me to have my pain and I will allow you to have yours.

Let me voice my anger and you can voice yours.

Let me release my guilt and you can release yours.

Let me cry on your shoulder, and you can cry on mine.

Let me have my grief and I will let you have yours.

And then, one day, let us smile and hug

And thank each other for being there.

Whose pain is worse?  Does it really matter?

Written by Mary Ann Golomb