I SENT COPIES OF COPYRIGHTED WORDS to long missed and cherished friends recently. The words, written some years ago brought forth memories of shared thoughts of elementary school. Elementary school friends and deep concerns of what the final outcome of appearances would be. HAIR and SKIN... SKINTONE was the big deal. Where some could look into eyes and the face of another and see the person inside...beyond the hair and skin where additives and chemicals in the form of makeup and ULTRA SHEEN would soon make it's alterations; most could only see room for a knock down. KNOCK DOWNS provide a step up above the next perosn in line... in scenario... in the way. KNOCK DOWNS provide a means for blocking friendship connections and intimacy...by those who can get in by using the imagined "IDEAL."  Among girls (who become women) the ideal generally begins with HAIR TYPE or STRUCTURE.  To increase opportunities, SKINTONE...black.. white.. high yellow... olive undertone... reddish hue...etcetera; rips the personality long before an EGO ever evolves.

AFTER MAKING THE INTRODUCTION OF FAMILY INTO LIFE, I finally figured out that I needed to WHITEN my appeal and STRAIGHTEN my hair. I'm wondering how many of us did just that. DID YOU ALSO REMEMBER TO ALTER GENITALIA  for the viewing mases? They grade us on that too, don't they.

CAN YOU SEE PAST ALL THAT?

WHEN THE STATE BEGAN DISPATCHING PATIENTS FROM THE INSTITUTION where I worked as a MENTAL HEALTH TECHNICIAN II, we (my co-workers and I) were not very concerned with the outcome. That was 1986, when the "HIGH LEVEL" men's house signed a 20ish male ...certified as mentally retarded... off to his family. He departed with his possessions bought with public assistance while residning in the state home and those items purchased for him by his family members. He was one of the lucky ones... his family consisted of several licensed professionals.. one of which was an attorney. Some many years later, I have seen him and others who have made it "successfully" as transition personna. They no longer live under watchful eye of the state, but live in the community in the capacity alloed them by their menatl status. I can remember the last shower given the first discharged male... he argued against being subjected to staff assisted personal hygiene... but I also remember WHY he had to be scrutinized. He was being discharged to a situation that could... if not well documented... result in a lawsuit on the STAE OF ILLINOIS. I was to document any body defects... scars, bruises, discolorations, vocalized complaints, vocalized concerns... the state could not be held lialbe for any discrepancies AFTER his departure. Patrick left unmarked... mentally (ther than the complaint that I was touching his body with the washcloth) and physically.

I wonder what the outcome of others have been.

I MOVED BACK TO MY HOMETOWN in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois after concluding my enlistment with the military, surviving a disabling injury from an accident while on military duty and being aligned for a return placemnt within the employ of the US CENSUS BUREAU... prior to rehire to my position as a STATE EMPLOYEE. I was single again... two years into being a widow... divorced twice from men of the Chicago area. I needed a car... my daughter and her manfriend... and their children were no help for that. My son was still of in college.

I thought it would be an easy resolve, and therefore; went to a local, fairly well known CHEVROLET DEALERSHIP... ARROW CHEVROLET in BLUE ISLAND, ILLINOIS. I had gone there before... bought my second husband a pick-up truck there, and paid for it. The initial greeting was brought with a smile on the face of the hefty caucasian man... about fifty five years of age... and an extended hand for closing the "first impression" sales tactic. From thereon, it was all downhill. iI was sent on a "test drive" with a young Greek or Italian sales agent who played the TOTAL CHARM approach. I would "buy a car or anything" because he was a dreamboat... approach. I didn't get one. The older guy returned and "crunched some numbers" which resulted in my deficit of income revelation. He leftmmentarily to consult with some other men at the far end of the used car sales room; returning with a raised eyebrow and slight smirk. "YOU WILL NEED A LITTLE HELP, ma'am... do you have a co-signer?" I told him I did not, and did not want one. He came back with... "Then you need a SUGGA DADDY" ... where's your husband? I told him I was married and after a few more minutes in that verbal tug of war, stood up and left. I was purely insulted that he would INSINUATE that I could not  conduct a business deal without a man. It was a situation that did not berate me for gender differences... I could have come back with my MIRANDA WRITES... "WOMEN's FRIEND"... a **** made from panty hose, pinned to my waistline for the male egotists out there. I designed it while under "appointment" by Chicago Women In Trades members... women who face anonymism every day on their "NON TRADITIONAL" job. 

MADE AFTER A FRUSTRATING INTERVIEW FOR A LAND SURVEY TEAM POSITION (after having worked at McNamee Porter and Seeley Engineers and training in the U.S. AI FORCE at Texas for Civil Enginer/Land survey Technician); only to be jokingly brushed aside, my pantyhose.. snatched off and whipstitched into what the men were really interseted in working with. ANOTHER ****. I had used it only once... pinned to my belt loop, worn to an appointment for a job with a landsurvey crew in HAZELCREST ILLINOIS.  A woman needs mental and moral support in some environments. WOMEN NEED TO HAVE BALLS ..... to get a job done... and to ask for the job.

Sgt Yeomans at SHEPPARD AIR FORCE BASE - Texas inspired the attitude and response via "ONE PLUS BALLS" logo/idiom

or you can always GO DUTCH!

with ANDREW ZIMMER!

I HAVE TO ADMIT... I WAS THRILLED TO FIND HIM! I found Tony hangin over a rail green at the gills and visably rumbling at the belly. I could see he was in need of COMFORT... food that is.  COMFORT FOOD... bacon and eggs, toast and marmalade. Maybe a litle grits too. And he had that.. I shared what EMERIL had. That was the one thing he could not find in the anals of VIETNAM... the floatillas of PYANG NYANG and the ever where else he throes himslef for our "pleasure." HE GOES THERE FOR US.. and to feed the poor woman and child he claims to be  "waiting" for him back at home. Most women develop a wanderlust and sketchy nerves  for seeing the things a man does when "left alone."  And this one gets left alone... except for the camera crew, editor and producer who travel with him, very often as a necessity. YOU CAN SEND HIM (many women would love the idea) ... send him where you want to. Most can, anyway. I tried.. and he never quite made it. I tried to send the man of NO RESERVATIONS... in yo face, mack daddy and BADDDDDDD fella, off to the RESERVATION> It was not in his make up. He don't go there.

CHECK HIM OUT.... he's just ... ONE OF US.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN... one riche guy

THINGS WE NEVER MANAGED TO GET... OUR "LISTS OF FAILURES"... the TEARY ISSUES OF LIFE

we discussed it barely, but still they haunt us all in our own minds... discussed, or not.

here are some...ASPIRATIONS:

www.posterityantiques.co.uk/FURNITURE.HTM

www.materialsunlimited.com/index.php

MINE INCLUDE OWNING A HOME >... ONE DAY

HGTV keeps that   "FANTASY" alive

I'm up early this morning, looking in magazines... showering for work and going down for a spot of tea or coffee. WHILE I WAIT for the steam to hit the nozzle, I flip thru a magazine... METROPOLITAN HOME; the original borrowed some time long ago, from my mother. I was finishing my Bachelor's degree in Land Use Planning and working as a Licensed Realtor at the time. It seems the items that pull themselves before my eyes, page after page, on this bleary morning; are the same type... high fashion extremes, that nearly blinded me then. Back then they supported a necessary psyche for presenting the WEST BLOOMFIELD and ANN ARBOR real estate to hopeful homeowners. Now... as the whistle begins to scream loudly in my ear.... I'm afraid the pages simply represent the things we ASPIRE TOWARD. and perhaps never truly achieve.

EXAMPLE?

                             OR....

MAYBE....?

I went to buy a house... many times since first getting married in 1971. EACH TIME, the house eluded me... just like the husband who was supposed to put down the picket fence.

That a thing you have to accomplish .... "your dammy"

GOVERNMENT IS LOOKING OUT FOR US

WHEN I WAS 25 I BELIEVED "GET RICH QUICK" COULD WORK...some of the "plans" that were presented were rational. I bougtht into the REAL ESTATE SALESPERSON and REAL ESTATE BROKER lines. I took on the challenge of INSURANCE SALES... starting out as an employee at one of the well known WHOLE LIFE agencies. When I regained my full time job as a state employee, I ventured into GET RICH QUICK using PRIMERICA as a pathway. The problem with GETTING RICH QUICK is that the person above you anywhere on the pecking order, has to do their job FIRST. If they don't do their role to bring in a product or document orders according to the proper individual agency; YOU LOSE. That ideal is the same whether one travels the AMWAY road... PRIMERICA or CARLTON SHEETS. You are much better off throwing on a pair of MICHAEL JORDAN'S Hanes underwear and getting on with it. You could buy the joker's BOOK OF MONEY FROM AMERICAN GOVERNMENT    and wait for the government to crash ( I bought the book, got sick and my cousin took it home . I've never seen it again) ... OR YOU COULD WRITE A "GET RICH QUICK" book and sell it like they do. Sell a million copies at $50 to $300; and see if you can't call yourself RICH.

LATELY, the get rich or get paid ideal take a lesser approach. We are coaxed to START OUR OWN BUSINESS... skilled or unskilled. I suppose it isn't much different from what our mothers and fathers did to put diapers (rag diapers) on our derriers and a lean to over our heads. Whechever path you choose or recommend to your adult child or your companion, it's best to start with some minimal amout of education ... even a certification at something, will do. It tells your customer you took the time to study your subject.