I walked to the family-owned deli around the block this morning for the sole purpose of buying the Sunday newspaper.  I don’t usually buy a newspaper, but the morning was nice and I just wanted to walk.  (The peaches at this little store are great, too, so the trip over was a no-brainer.)  When I got home I looked through the paper....wondering why I had even wanted it.  Later in the day, however, my older son sat at my kitchen table scanning through it....and he found the cartoon section.

He’d been looking through them for awhile then suddenly he closed the paper with a crunch as his hands rested in his lap and he just looked at me.  I asked him what was the matter and he said..........CARTOON CHARACTERS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GROW UP!!  It seems that all of a sudden he’s realized that one of the familiar cartoon families that he’s been reading for many years now has one of their characters getting married....a young woman that he remembers being a little child.  When did this happen?  When did these little kids grow up??  In todays series the young woman was trying on a wedding dress that had belonged to her grandmother.  Of course, in the cartoon we see the grandmother there in spirit...putting the veil on her grandaughter’s head.   My son just couldn’t get over it.  I knew why he was so ’got’ by the cartoon this day though.  Because even though he’s only 30.......he felt old.   It was only a cartoon, but he suddenly realized that even though he’s a young man he felt that even things like cartoons make us feel life moving on. 

Maybe that’s it.....life moves on and we age right along with it not being terribly aware of the process.  It’s only when we experience something else aging...when we realize and can see that something else has aged do we feel our own part in that process.  It’s like looking at the house we grew up in.......realizing how many beloved family pets we’ve lived through.......memories of a true love we had when we were 17 and seeing a photograph of that person now.........living through the pain of losing our loved ones........or maybe it’s just seeing a beloved cartoon character change from a little child to a grown up.  Life moves on and we move with it.  Life is good.

  What a nice evening.  It's one of those nights.......you know the kind I'm talking about.  No humidity, perfect temperature, breezy, big fluffy clouds in the sky......the air smells like......well, the air smells like everything good in life.

I came home from work this evening....made a quick bite to eat.....turned the radio to some excellent oldies....took my plate and the book I'm currently reading (Pillars of the Earth) out onto the deck and sat down and just looked around.  I literally breathed in deeply all of the goodness of this kind of day.  I sat there...one foot propped up on another chair...slowly ate my evening meal.....read my book and let the array of songs coming from the radio merge into the wonderful sounds of this night.....Joan Jett filled the air....I was loving rock and roll right along with her.  I let myself get back into the book I'm reading.  Then that song about "Oh, Sweet Pea...come on and dance with me"...I'm sure you know the one.......well, that took my brain on a wonderful ride back to many a summer's night at the outside skating rink in Creitz Park.  I'll forever thank Monica for teaching me how to skate really fast...We looked so cool....our arms folded  and crossed perfectly over each others as we skated along to the music....pompoms on our skates.  Yes indeed, we were cool.  I had no more than mastered a perfect corner on my skates than I was pleasantly interrupted by 'Honey, you are my shining star...don't you go away'....and there I was...sitting at Frisch's Drive-In in Richmond.....hanging with my very best friends...watching the guys drive through....oh my gosh, a 57 Chevy with Cragars all the way around (deep dish on the back) and a set of L70's on the back......makes me swoon even now :)  Just as I was anticipating an excellent burn out by the Camaro that just drove through...slowly so that we could check out the guys in the car....I hear them singing "All Right Now ...baby it's all right now."..and I'm immediately at Mickey's Bar just over the state line and I've managed to swipe the VERY beer mug that Dennis H (oh I did have a horrific crush on him) had been drinking from that very night!  You know, we went there because as 18 year olds we weren't allowed to purchase beer in Indiana....BUT in Ohio?  Yes, we could!  You know, I didn't even like beer....I still don't, but that's where the fun was at the time....AND the guys :)  All it took was a few lines from the Rolling Stones....'under my thumb' and I was heart-stung deep back in a memory of a relationship with...well, it was just one of those 'teen' kind of relationships that made me think that I could never love anyone else like I loved him.  Needless to say, nice night for listening to the radio.  Life is good.

"When is enough, enough, Mom?" he asked. Was it a question? Or was he putting into words the angst that we have all felt at one time or another.

  I always look forward to Friday night.  I've worked hard all week....I like waking early and getting to work when it's quiet.  I get more accomplished between 6:15am and 7:25 (when everyone else starts arriving) than I do throughout the rest of the day.  I love my job though.  No two days are alike...time flies...I've never had to watch the clock and wait for the minutes to pass....the kids keep me hopping, laughing and wondering....and when I receive my paycheck I damned well know that I've earned it.  Life is good.   I'm not into running out to bars on a Friday night.  I've found that most people in bars are looking for what I'm not and what I don't have.  I truly wish them luck.  I'm happy with who and how I am and I wish the same for everyone. 

So here I am....I had dinner with my youngest son at the neighborhood pub (oh I do love how we have pubs now in America....not that I've ever been to a real English pub...which is impossible because I've never been to England...but I have a goal to visit the UK at some point in my life).  My son laughed at me when I asked the waiter if it was happy hour...inquired of what exactly that involves...which drinks that includes.  Justin finally asked 'are you going to have him set up shots mom?'...knowing that I rarely ever drink.  Yep...you guessed it.  I ordered hot tea.  The waiter was a handsome young man with a very freshly started handlebar mustache.  Nice.  My great-grandfather had a dandy handlebar...such a great guy he was to have made such an impression on me.  I think he passed when I was about 8, but I remember so many wonderful things about him...and great-grandma, too.  I cherish their 'Dutch' in me.  My mom has kept that lineage precious to me and my siblings.  I think I just especially enjoyed it when my great-grandparents called us lads and lasses.  I was a romantic even then.

I'm enjoying listening to tunes humming from my computer.  I'm notorious for picking through the selections and listening to the same songs repeatedly.  John Cougar Mellencamp (yes...back when he still had a middle name) is belting out 'Hurt So Good' and even at my goofball age.....it still makes me jump up and dance around....singing and clapping.  'Tis a good thing.....life is good.   I'm thinking a bit of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young are in order next...perhaps 'Southern Cross'...you think?  Gosh, I remember going to Polaris Ampitheater to see Crosby, Stills and Nash.  It hurts me to even type that.....no Neil Young?......that's like trying to preach from Matthew, Luke and John.....or Paul John and George?  You get the idea.     Oh, wait.  I got sidetracked....how about some Lenny Kravitz instead....Are You Gonna Go My Way....yeah....I like that.  Back to CSN.....I went to see them just about 10 years ago I guess....long after they were in their prime, but they still had that amazing harmony and softness to their voices.....even without Neil Young's brash, ballsy presence.   My sister gave me a couple of old Life magazines last summer....I enjoyed reading through them and I spotted a nice article about Judy Collins.  I noticed a photo of her with a guy in the front of the photo...side shot ...profiled...with a hint of familiarity.  I read the caption of the photo and it said something like 'Judy Collins with a member of a band that will be showcased.....singer and guitarist Steve Stills.'   It made me laugh....when in my life had I ever heard him referred to STEVE??  I felt a bit smug to be honest with you.....thinking...ha.....that's Stephen you do-do....not Steve.   Yep...it takes very little to keep me happy.  Life is good.

  My new journey is continuing......I just joined a group on this website, but haven’t added anything yet to the conversation.  I noticed one of the topics is something like ’Something New I’m Doing In My Life’....assuming they mean in my new single status ife......and as I read through what a few of the other members had written I realized they are much farther along in their ’new’ status than I am.  They’re talking about their more recent travel experiences...or their newest social interaction, etc.  I’m thinking of my new experiences as being things like ....talking with a vinyl siding salesman and deciding on whether or not to spend that kind of money....finding out what fascia really is and whether or not the salesman is bluffing me or does it really need replaced......making my own choices as to whether or not that sound in my vehicle is an okay sound or not.  Not that the other group members don’t deal with those decisions everyday, too, but these are the things that seem to top my decision-making list these days.  And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I dislike dealing with these type of things....it’s just a little different for me.  And it’s also not because I am the type of person that would have let my husband make these decisions....nope, because in my married life he would’ve just put it off because he didn’t want to spend the money to maintain the house.  That’s why all of these type of things are on my plate right now.  And I feel good about it!  In the last year since our separation I have felt like a repair tornado in action :)  I say that in a very positive way because it’s felt good to get this little home back on its way of feeling like a good place to live. 

So yes, I will contact this vinyl siding salesman again soon and arrange to have new siding installed...WITH the upgraded blanket installed as well mind you!.....and when it’s done I’ll sit back and enjoy the fact that I made the decision myself...that I incurred the debt myself....and I’ll move forward again....onward and upward.  I love life and I love myself.........for the first time in a very long time.....it feels very good.  It’s amazing what new vinyl siding can do for ya!

  It was nice to sleep in a tad this morning after a strenuous day yesterday.  In constant rainfall yesterday my friends and I weeded, cleaned and refurbished a flower bed for an elderly person in need.  While we worked outside two other friends worked inside washing windows and mopping floors.  When we were finished I felt like a soaked swamp rat!  I didn’t mind so much.  I have always loved the way rainwater makes my hair feel.  Today, as a part of an ongoing church effort, we went to a young woman’s home to help her get some things finished that she’s feeling overwhelmed with.  Just some gardening and a bit of stain on her deck was all it took.  Itt was such a beautiful day outside so how could anyone complain!  And now?  Well, besides a few chores to take care of here at my home I am getting a few things ready for a Teacher Appreciation luncheon that my co-workers and I are providing for the teaching staff at the school where I work.  Yes, 4 of us preparing for nearly 60 of them.  So I’m charged with making a vegetarian pasta bake and about 60 chocolate dipped pizzelle’s.  I cheated and bought the pizzelle’s.  I’ve never in my life made pizzelle’s so it just seemed like a no-brainer!  You guessed it.  Our luncheon has an Italian theme.  I even bought spumoni ice cream for them, too.  It will be a fun time and the teaching staff is always very appreciative of what we do for them. 

I’m also hanging on to a big ’to do’ in the back of my mind.  Talk with my husband (he and I are separated now for a year) about a dissilution.  It will cost me about half that of a full blown divorce, but we have to go into it in full agreement on everything.  He and I are still good friends, but things can always get tricky with this kind of thing.  We shall see, I suppose.   For now, I’ll enjoy this beautiful day.  Bring on the chocolate sauce for the pizzelles! :)

  I'm not sure why I've chosen to initiate this 'page'......a window into my life in a way.  I'm not typically a very extroverted person and this feels very strange to me to be opening myself up in this way.  I suppose this last year has been a year of great learning for me......I separated from my husband of 32 years last April.  I needed to do it long before that, but I never wanted to feel that I'd given up on trying to save it.  Honest?  This has been a really great year for me.  I'm happier than I've been in many years. 

I have done a lot during this year to get my home back in order yet I have that still needs to be done.  The great thing is....I can do it :)  and I feel really happy with me...and who I am........life is good!